Monday, November 15, 2010

High Risk

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Carlo and I had ourselves tested for HIV last weekend. Although I had taken the exam several times before, I was still nervous given my … uhm … recent behavior.

"Grabe Carlo. Nakakainis no. (It sucks.) No matter how safe you are, you still get anxious!!!"

"I know!!! I mean, ang kunti na nga lang ng sex ko (I don't have a lot of sex), but still, I'm a little nervous," Carlo replied.

"I guess, low risk or high risk, it's still a risk."

"Yeah. But I'm pretty sure I'm negative. You, on the other hard, I'm worried a little ... I mean, you have been rather frisky lately," Carlo teased me.

"Fuck off. Hahaha. I am always safe kaya."

"Still ... "


While waiting for the result, I realized this is how I will always feel during an HIV test, that I will always be a little scared. No matter what you do to protect yourself, there is always a risk you will be exposed to the virus during sex.

The condom could break, you could have sores in your mouth. Fuck, even a blowjob isn't safe these days. You'd better be careful what you put in your mouth, ladies. Or anywhere else for that matter.

The counselor suggested I use a condom during fellatio. To be completely safe, he said. Bu then again I wanted to say, "Now, honey, where's the fun in that?"



But the biggest shock was when they told me I am what they classify as a high-risk individual.

"Are you saying that because I'm gay?" I asked.

"Oh no. It's because you have sex with multiple partners," the counselor replied.

Oh.

Tekaaaaaaaaaa (Now wait a minute)… did he just call me promiscuous??????

"To lessen the risk, you can explore other options. Maybe have only one partner, or practice celibacy," he added.

I suddenly missed the Kane in a relationship, he never had to worry about such things. But that girl is gone, I told myself, and this one has to face the consequences of her actions.

I thought about the options he presented and realized that I probably will be high risk for a little while longer.

The danger is great, but  I have needs I cannot suppress. Yes, the spirit is willing but the flesh is oh-so-weak.

I always have safe sex, but I do have sex. Once in a while, if my schedule permits. Celibacy, unfortunately, is not an option. Nor monogamy. And as Carlo told the counselor, "I'm a risk taker, baby."

And I'm guessing so are most of you.

21 comments:

anteros' dominion said...

be safe always, kane

rudeboy said...

Do the rewards far outweigh the danger, Kane?

Eternal Wanderer... said...

good thing i'm dalisay, busilak and mayumi.

hihihihihi

rudeboy said...

*SLAP* @ Ternie

guy on cam (lols) said...

natawa ako kay ternie at rudeboy. haha

well, Kane natawa din ako sa pagkakagawa ng entry mo, witty. And im sure negative yan.

Pero what we did kinky on cam last night is a little fun. At least masarap pa din.

Laglagan na. Ahahaha.

Ryan said...

I was gonna say pavirgin ka na lang din like me (haha :)) ) but like what you said, it won't work for you.

But then, it's not like not catching the virus is the motivation behind my celibacy status.

Nimmy said...

LOL @ Ternie

wooot woot for Kane in a relationship. hehe

Guyrony said...

Risks, oh you wouldn't even enjoy sex without it.

And so with protection.

Don't we just wish we could just throw the rubber out of our mouths and get on with our lives?

wanderingcommuter said...

thank you for bringing it in a different breathe...

@ternie, 2010 na, magbago ka na! maging honest ka na.. wala kang gift kay santa!

engel said...

be always safe kane. mukha ka daw kasi promiscuous. :P

POPOY said...

just be safe lagi... naku bigla nanaman ako nawindang dito LOL pero good thing im safe naman na...


can still remember ung time na kinukuha ko result ng test... feeling ko isa akong kandila na nauupos... nauubusan ng oras... KATAKOT!

P said...

i fookin fainted while waiting for my results. horrible. thats the only time i told myself, oh hell no, this shit aint happenin again.

after that, i found joys in mutual jerking. the horrid ways of watching each other and touching each other's body yet not being able to do anything.

mmmm... torture. its wonderful. you should try it. ;-)

Soltero said...

buti na lang virgin pa ako hanggang ngaun, kahit BJ wla pang experience, hihihi :P

Momel said...

I don't know about you girls, but I'm learning autofellatio.

Raft3r said...

better safe than sorry?
=)

iamalone said...

kane, i know your doing it safe, the fact here is everyone is at risk..

Désolé Boy said...

the perks of being a loser such as myself, no one would bother sleeping with me so i wouldn't have to worry much..hehe
.
.
take care of yourself Kane

Anonymous said...

and libog ay tunay na isang sumpa. isang matamis na sumpa? he he he.

esf

Arian Tejano said...

I celebrate El Niño throughout the year. Hahaha no need to get myself tested.

eon said...

there's a lot we coudl do naman to minimize the risk. not just celibacy or sticking to one partner.

how about less anal sex and more kissing/cuddling/mutual masturbation... there are other satisfying ways to get off naman diba.

Sonia said...

oh, do be careful. or at least be more convincing to the doctor. :-)
This was a fun story, and I liked it. You're very human and candid. a lot can be learned from a story-telling session with you. :-)