Wednesday, November 02, 2011

Gossip Girl: The Games We Play (V)


Previously on Gossip Girl:
Gossip Girl: The Games We Play (IV)
Pigs, That's What We Are

True love and betrayal. Revenge and more revenge. A heroine with an impossible goal. If only Mozart had lived on the Upper East Side.

"Hey honey kamusta? What are your plans for the weekend?" Vackie asked.

"I'm meeting Grindr Boy lang. Then maybe after, we can go out," I said.

"Ohhhh. I thought things were over between the two of you since he has ... you know ... a boyfriend."

"Honey, shouldn't you know by now? Just because he has a boyfriend doesn't mean the game is over. It only means the game just got more interesting. It's over only when I say it is."

"Hahahaha. I should have known. So ... are you going to have sex?"

"Arrrgghhh ... do I really need to answer truthfully? You're going to judge meeeeee."

"Honey, we don't judge. We're the non-judging Breakfast Club," V said. "I mean, I've seen you with vomit on your clothes, make out with random strangers in clubs, give a blowjob in a public restroom ..."

"Okay fineeee. Stop it. You didn't have to be so ... specific," I said laughing.

"I'm your best friend and anything you've done is something I probably did too," V said. "None of us are saints. So ... are you going to fuck?"

Grindr Boy and I haven't communicated since he confessed that he was actually in a relationship. But one night, he suddenly texted.

"Asan ka? (Where are you?)" he said.

"I'm home. Kamusta? (How are you?) What's up?"

"Wala naman. Kita sana tayo (Nothing much. Thought maybe we could meet)," he replied, with a smiling face. Oooohhh, where is this headed, I wondered.

"Ahhh. Next time? I'm exhausted and about to sleep. Ipapaalam mo ba kay boyfriend? (When are you free? Are you going to tell your boyfriend?)"

"Yep, oo naman. Ipapaalam. (Yep, I will tell him.)"

"Ano sasabihin mo? (What are you going to say?) How do we know each other? =) Through Grindr?" I teased him.

"Uhmmmm... Wag na nga lang magpapaalam. (I think I'll just not tell him.) Hahaha."

"Bad boy ... tsk tsk. Mag se sex ba tayo? (Are we going to have sex?)"

"Hahaha. Derecho talaga. (Straight to the point huh.)"

"Huy hindi ah, (Hey, that's not true,)" I protested. "If I wanted to, I could have had my way before. You know that. Besides, I figured you owe me. If I had known you had a boyfriend, we should have just skipped dinner and went straight to fuck."

"Hahaha. Uhmm ... sige. Ako na lang pupunta diyan. (I'll just go to your place.)"

The problem with hiding your sins is that they always come back. Just when you think some have atoned for past transgressions, a once-pure Prince can't help but commit a new one.

Grindr Boy and I set a date for this Friday night. He's sneaking out after his boyfriend leaves for work. Albert and I also have made tentative plans to see each other, also this week.

"Wow. All these dates with married men. So ... what happened to your vow to not hook up with guys who have boyfriends?" V asked me.

"Sigh. I know ... I know," I said. "See? I knew you were going to judge."

I was quiet for awhile. I thought about the things you promised yourself you wouldn't do, and how somehow you find yourself breaking them. Maybe you've changed, or the game changes you.

It all starts out innocenly, at first. Then someone starts to break the rules and play unfairly. So you decide to keep up. You find youself crossing boundaries to step into someone else's shoes. You tell yourself ... it's okay, it's just a game right? Or ... is it?

Maybe it is. Until you screw someone. Or you find yourself screwed. Sometimes you wish it would stop. All of it. The sportsmanship, the jockeying for positions. But that's the thing: it's in our nature to play the game. To seek to influence others to gain our desires. But we do have a choice in how we play: do we play fairly or do we cheat and lie through the game?

"Well, their boyfriends cheated on them," I told Vackie.

"And so by cheating with you, they get even and everything's okay?"

"I don't know," I said. "Oh God honey, come Judgment Day I can already see the list of charges against me. Accomplice to the crime of adultery!!!"

"Correction ... adulteries!!!" V said laughing.

Maybe Vackie was right. Maybe two wrongs don't make one right. But some things are just too good to resist. The spirit is willing but the flesh is just ... oh so weak.

Mistakes. We all make them. They usually start with the best of intentions. Like keeping a secret to protect a friend. Or lying to help someone.

Sometimes we don't even know what mistakes we've made to get us where we are. Or we figure it out just in time to make it right again. But every mistake happens for a reason. To teach you a lesson you would otherwise never learn. And hopefully, you never make that mistake again.

Lucky for me, that never happens.



Anonymous said...

not to make promises, even to your own self, have you tried that? i am never a fan of the word promise, kane.

anyway, good luck to this twosome before the...uhmmm...quartet. hahaha

gillboard said...

ingat ingat lang sa karma kane...

you know how they could be at times.


JJ Roa Rodriguez said...

Kane, i once participated in having intimate relationship with somebody already committed. But they are on an open relationship. I know them first, i mean we are friends before it happened and they both knew it. But personally to cheat, i mean, meeting people on the side, is one thing i cannot tolerate. I dont wanna be cheated kaya ayoko din magcheat. Hehehe... Besides at the end, i dont want the guilt feeling. Mas maganda nang ikaw ang niluko kesa ikaw nanloko, yan ang prinsipyo ko. Hehehe... You said it, committing anoth does not correct the first. And there is no such thing as I'll do what you did to be "even" in a rellationship.


Ako si Diosa said...

I am not in the position to say anything about your status with that guy, but in the general point of view hooking up with someone already committed is something that's really a bit annoying. Trust of a person is at stake. Think about it a million times and if you can bear the consequences, so be it, it's your choice.

Guyrony said...

Where was that good girl with the golden frocks went to?

joelmcvie said...

Honey, if you're gonna be bad, then be so bad that you're good! Ahahaha.

Seriously, if you're going to do something "wrong" willfully, then it's time for you to rethink if you really, honestly and truthfully think it's "wrong." And if you do believe it's wrong but still want to commit it anyway, then at least be honest with yourself and admit that, yes, you are capable of being bad.

What's so bad about being bad, ba?

joelmcvie said...

Speaking of karma: It's a great idea, much like God rewarding the good and punishing evil on Judgement Day. But face it, karma doesn't really happen; we just choose to think that events are karmic-induced.

Until there's scientific, empirical proof that karma exists, then karma's just an outside substitute for a conscience.

eon said...

he who has not sinned cast the first stone diba. im sure madaming magmamalinis. :) im proud of you for keeping it real.

JJ Roa Rodriguez said...

Thanks for the visit on my blog kane... Actually the truth is. I love reading uour post kasi parang nagrereview ako of what i was doing when i was at your age. LOL! Fun, excitement, a little bit of bitchiness, a little bit of premadonna and all...

Have fun Kane!


Btw, thanks for the correction... LOL!

Granitesonline said...

Nice pictorial blog. The photographs in the blog were fantastic, are you a photographer by any chance. Any way it was awesome.
Keep Posting
Great Post

Heather said...

Kane, I just wanted to let you know how much I LOVE your 'The Games We Play' entries! You write so well. I don't comment much, but I always read!


citybuoy said...

"Maybe you've changed, or the game changes you."

I once asked a friend about karma. Kasi nga, paano nalang tayong mababait na somehow, we still end up getting screwed. Sabi ko siguro para balanse yang karmang yan, I have license to be naughty. haha

Hulaan mo sabi niya.

R. Burnett Baker said...

We always say that the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.

I think that the flesh knows exactly what it wants and is strong for being so. The weakness, perhaps, is our inability to NOT cling to our insecurities.

Or, maybe I'm just selfish!


Manech said...

I thought about the things you promised yourself you wouldn't do, and how somehow you find yourself breaking them.

Aye, Kane. I want to believe in some form of redemption though. And if you will to change, you will.