It's a cold New Year, Upper East Siders. Time to donate your last year's wardrobe to the help and to present the world with a better version of you.
Which could mean facing your future... and forgetting past mistakes. Or finally settling on a brand new path. But a new year doesn't wipe away old problems. While others just create new ones.
Spotted: Kane warming himself up by rekindling old friendships.
I invited some of my closest friends to a small get-together at home last Saturday.
Madame et Messieurs,
See you all at around 11:30 p.m. I have brought out the glasses and prepared carefully selected handpicked bottles of wine for our pleasure. I expect you to be in your usual coutured selves. I will take a nap to refresh myself.
Fran was among the first to arrive. It was the first time we saw each other in months and I missed her. After the usual how are you's and small chitchat, she delivered the first bomb of the night.
"So, are you seeing anyone?" I asked her.
"Yes," she replied. "And he's married."
"With kids?" I continued.
"Yes hun. The whole package."
"Do you love him?" I asked.
"I do hun," she said. And by the way she said it, I knew she did.
"Do you feel guilty?" I was curious and I wanted to know.
"Oh yes. All the time honey," Fran said. "I feel guilty all the time. In the morning when I wake up, at night before I sleep, I feel guilty. But that doesn't stop me from having sex with him. Again. And again. And again."
By the time a woman makes a resolute decision to be a querida, she goes through a psychological war with herself. She will only accept the role for four reasons.
1) She loves the man.
2) She loves the man and hopes that he will eventually divorce his wife and marry her.
3) The man gives her financial security.
4) Being his mistress elevates her social status.
"Oh Fran. Hay. Being a mistress can be lonely. You know he is never yours completely, and no matter who you tell the story to, you are always the villain."
"I know. You know what my sister told me when she found out?"
"She said she hopes I'll never get married."
"Ouch. That must hurt," I said.
"You know honey, I have been through all possible forms and permutations of adultery. I have cheated on, cheated with, and been cheated on and God… all of those sucked!!! It was so stressful."
"I don't know. It's just that at this point in my life, I will not allow myself to be in certain situations anymore. At least those that are within my control," I explained. "There is a vision of myself that I want to become. I want to be the best possible version of Kane there is. And being a mistress, for example, just isn't one of them."
"God honey, if only I can be that way," Fran replied. "Unlike you, I know it's wrong but the path isn't clear. It's always a push - pull tension within me and sometimes I envy people like you, people who automatically choose the right thing."
"It didn't come overnight. I guess I took every single life experience that I had and milked them for whatever lessons they can teach me."
"Oh Fran, remember what we used to say? We may be the biggest sluts in town, but we have boundaries. We aren't home wreckers. Or at least we used to be not."
In the New Year, we resolve to do things we've only dreamed of doing. And not to do other things ever again.
We make our own fortunes. And then call them fate. And what better excuse to choose a path than to insist it's our destiny. Some will pursue their decisions. No matter who gets hurt. But at the end of the day, we all have to live with our choices.
The Heart Of The Night
4 hours ago