Shame on Me

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Brian is a cute, 21-year old boy I met online, one of the many catch from the world's friendliest planet. We were texting, asking each other the usual questions, and the exchange eventually lead to sexual topics. "What are you into?" I asked him.

"Sex friends, fubu," he replied. "Ikaw? (You?)"

"Puede. Bottom? You into roleplay? Threesome?"

"I am. I love threesomes."

"Ahhh. Good. Game ka," I said. Whew, kids nowadays, I thought to myself mentally shaking my head. "What are your fetishes?"

"Nakakahiya kasi (It's rather embarrassing)," he said.

"Come on, okay lang yan. Just say it."

"Pissing." 

I have not seen Ernest in a long time so I was excited to meet him and catch up. He is one of my closest friends and has been living in Germany for six years now. We would see each other only when he comes home for the holidays.

"Ernestttttttt," I screamed. "God, how I missed you. Kamusta? (How are you?)"

Over some roasted vegetables, fish, and a bottle of wine, we talked about ourselves and what happened in the past year. I teased him about all the hooking up he was probably planning in Manila.

"The thing is kasi Kane, gay sex in the Philippines can be boring," Ernest said. "Nobody really goes beyond the top-bottom conundrum. People really rarely talk about or indulge in fetishes. There are some things I want to do but can't find people to do it with."

"Well, I'm sure there's someone out there in this city," I said.

"That's true. Pero mahirap maghanap,"

What Ernest said got me thinking. Was he right? Are people in Manila plain vanilla? Have we been left behind the sexual revolution and debauchery that began thousands of years ago in Rome and Athens? Was it just about who sucks who, who fucks who, and that's it. Or perhaps it's because we are just too shy to actually engage in our fantasies. The weight of all that Catholic dogma suffocating sexual freedom.

I was curious and I decided to make it a point to ask guys I meet what their fantasies really are. And I discovered people do have fantasies. Gay men in the Philippines want to be tied, blind folded, double fucked, piss on, be pissed on, have orgies, watch people have sex. It's just that … most of them find it embarrassing. Shameful. The fear that people will talk about them, spread rumors.

Oh we know how we love to gossip.

"Tangina. Grabe yan, gusto niya kinakain lagi yung tamod."

"Naka threesome ko na yan eh."

"Dinouble fuck namin siya."

And the list goes on.

"So what will it be K?" E asked me. "Are you going to do it?"

"Well ... yep, I am," I replied. "I was thinking ... that ... starting this year, I will be the guy who will make your every sexual fantasy come true."

"OMG!!!! Love!!" E exclaimed. "Hahahaha. Your fame will spread farrrrrrr and wideeeee. As if you're not famous enough."

"Hahahaha. Gaga. But I won't do everything of course. Light stuff lang. No shit or blood, dead bodies or animals!"

"Ayaw mo ng sex with horses?"

"Hahaha. Gago. Nooooo I'm not ready to take on those roles," I protested laughing.

"Not yet, at least," E said.

"Fucker. Anyway, I want guys to feel comfortable with me, you know. To be able to do what they want without being judged or being talked about or being laughed at," I said. "Kung anong trip mo, game. As long as kaya ko."

"So ... like any good actor, I actually did my research and watched porn videos of people engaging in water play." I continued. "It's not my thing kasi. But it doesn't look too hard. It's just that the logistics needs to be planned. Where the pissing actually happens."

"Love!!!! Yan ang gusto ko sa iyo eh. You're a perfectionist."

"Well, I wouldn't want to disappoint Brian. I'm going to give him a night he won't forget. And who knows, I might actually have fun doing it."
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