Today was Tita Cha's birthday. We had lunch at Alba's. The food was delicious. yumm.. i loved their duck in orange sauce. As we chatted, I realized that life must be lonely for her, with her brother and sister living far away. She feels alone and sometimes feels that they have abandoned her.

I asked her what her plans are for the future and she replied, "Ewan. Bahala na."
I can not imagine not having any plans for the future, living your life as if you're waiting for your death.

sigh. i try in my own way to make her a little happier, except that sometimes i feel that she's centering her life too much on me. oh well ... we'll figure out something.

I was reading the Philippine Graphic and I liked an article written by F. Sionil Jose, about writing. It was mainly focused on writing at a time when times are difficult ... I have pasted below some parts which i really like.

"what is literature if not pain remembered? and in remembering, we adorn it with our imagination, our craftmanship and ennoble it perhaps, imbueing it with permanency. It becomes a testament of your humanity for the world to read, and in doing so hope to instill in them compassion, that which draws all men together."

"that profound melancholy.. no matter how effulgent our fiestas and how bright our smiles.

I am sleepy now. good night

"you are my horizon, and aking abot tanaw..."
-----an idea of love from J. Neil Garcia's poem Avowals

"no matter where we go, we always arrive too late to experience what we left to find..."
---a poem that Fran shared with me and coincidentally, something she learned from Sir Gad.

"yet sing now of beauty,which lasts not forever. merely ephemeral and a moment's seizure on the seashore. like a glimpse of madness in the old sack,both terribly lonely and holy..."
---from an article in The Philippine Star

To quote Chicane in one of the best anthems in the club scene,

"Like love on the run there will be tomorrow..."

Love is eternal, and we will always find love in the strangest of times and the weirdest of places.

First there was the Word. And then there was the parenthesis. Followed by a sly grammatical
mutation that made the demons sing, the goddesses moan, the angels come. Be not the period. Dangle your modifiers. Split the legs of your infinitives. And strive, always, for the ellipses...

---July 15, 2003 blog entry, http://distantsun.blogspot.com/

neil, sharp pain boredom mosquitoes summer unwell loneliness phone conversations postcards affection holiness bagpipes beads pillows cool air ocean tango wine
----- I texted this to Neil, April 11, 2003

Make his fight on the hill in the early day,
Constant chill deep inside, Shouting gun, on they
run through the endless grey, On they fight, for they
are right, yes, but whos to says For a hill men would
kill, why? They do not know Suffered wounds test their
pride, Men of five, still alive through the raging
glow Gone insane from the pain that they surely
know, For whom the bell tolls, Time marches
on, For whom the bell tolls, Take a look to the sky
just before you die, It is the last time he
will, Blackened roar massive roar fills the crumbling
sky, Shattered goal fills his soul with a ruthless
cry, Stranger now, are his eyes, to this mystery, He
hears the silence so loud, Crack of dawn, all is gone
except the will to be, Now they see what will be,
blinded ,eyes to see, For whom the bell tolls, Time
marches on, For whom the bell
tolls

Your not your car, your not your job, your not how much
money you have, your not the contents of your
wallet. We are the all singing, all dancing crap of
the world.

-----http://www.face-pic.com/phil_kent

"Between the adult who knows she won't find reason in the world, and the child who refuses to stop seeking it, lies the difference between resignation and humility."

"Evil in Modern Thought: An Alternative History of Philosophy", Susan Neiman

"As flies to wanton boys, are we to the gods;/ They kill us for their sport,"
-----"King Lear", Shakespeare

"In thinking about the state of American movies today, however, it is never a good idea to abandon cynicism altogether. Remember "Chicago." The best picture of 2002 is about an innocent young woman with dreams of show business glory who, through canny manipulation of the news media and the emotions of the public, gets away with murder."
-----A Night to Restore a Faith in Movies By A. O. SCOTT, March 24 2003, Critic's Notebook, New York Times


This is why I prefer Moulin Rouge to Chicago, because in Chicago there was never really any character (save perhaps for Roxie's poor husband), who I really cared for... I believe it is important that a film must contain a character with whom the audience must be able to sympathize with, and care for, and that ultimately there must be a triumph of the human spirit. and not of human vice.