Monday, January 30, 2012

Kane and the City: The Rich Kid


"Paano ko nga nakilala si Kurt? (Do you remember how I met Kurt?)" I asked E. Kurt was one of the few guys I met last night and I couldn't exactly remember how we met. I knew I was talking to another guy before I noticed him, and I was trying to recall the details.

"Grabe ka. May selective hearing ka! (I can't believe. it You have selective hearing!)" E exclaimed..

"What do you mean?"

"Kausap kita and sabi ko tignan mo yung guy na katabi ni V (I was talking to you, telling you to look at the guy seated beside V)," he said. "Kanina pa silang nagpapakiramdaman. (They've been sort of feeling each other the whole night.)"

"Pero ang narinig mo lang ata: Tignan mo yung guy kasi bigla na lang sabi mo: Okay siya. Gusto ko siya. Tapos ayon na. Kinuha mo na siya. (But it seems all you heard was: Look at that guy because you suddenly said: He's okay. I want him. And suddenly, there you were flirting with him.)"

"I did not!" I protested laughing. "Talaga??? (Really?)"

"Oo no! Grabe ka! (Yes! You're unbelievable!)"

"I didn't mean it!"

"Sure you didn't."

"Grabe E. Ang guapo talaga niya. (He's so good looking.)"

Kurt had that classic good looks most men would envy: tall, aqualine nose, prominent cheekbones, lean. And did I mention, brimming with youth at 21?

When we met for late lunch, Kurt was sporting a cap and a black shirt. He drove an SUV and he wore dark sunglasses.

He was bubbly, talkative, perky, fun. I found out he is still a student, has his own place, drinks almost every night. He shops in Rockwell, dines at Fort, speaks with a certain accent. (You know what I mean.) And when we had drinks afterwards, he refused to let me pay. 

Ahhhhhhhh, this kid has money, I noted to myself. Just how much money I was about to find out.

"Grabe nakakaaliw ang bracelets mo (Wow, you are fond of bracelets huh)," I told him. He was wearing lots of bracelets, perhaps around seven or eight of them and they dotted his wrists colorfully. Most of them were made of yarn but one was made of a black metallic material. It looked familiar.

"Hey, alam ko saan mo ito binili (I know where you bought this)," I told him.

He was grinning. "Saan?"

"Sa Topshop ba? (At Topshop?)"

"Uhmmmm … Aaahhh … it's from Hermès," he explained. I choked on the eggplant Moussaka I was eating.


I wanted to die.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Shame on Me


Brian is a cute, 21-year old boy I met online, one of the many catch from the world's friendliest planet. We were texting, asking each other the usual questions, and the exchange eventually lead to sexual topics. "What are you into?" I asked him.

"Sex friends, fubu," he replied. "Ikaw? (You?)"

"Puede. Bottom? You into roleplay? Threesome?"

"I am. I love threesomes."

"Ahhh. Good. Game ka," I said. Whew, kids nowadays, I thought to myself mentally shaking my head. "What are your fetishes?"

"Nakakahiya kasi (It's rather embarrassing)," he said.

"Come on, okay lang yan. Just say it."


I have not seen Ernest in a long time so I was excited to meet him and catch up. He is one of my closest friends and has been living in Germany for six years now. We would see each other only when he comes home for the holidays.

"Ernestttttttt," I screamed. "God, how I missed you. Kamusta? (How are you?)"

Over some roasted vegetables, fish, and a bottle of wine, we talked about ourselves and what happened in the past year. I teased him about all the hooking up he was probably planning in Manila.

"The thing is kasi Kane, gay sex in the Philippines can be boring," Ernest said. "Nobody really goes beyond the top-bottom conundrum. People really rarely talk about or indulge in fetishes. There are some things I want to do but can't find people to do it with."

"Well, I'm sure there's someone out there in this city," I said.

"That's true. Pero mahirap maghanap,"

What Ernest said got me thinking. Was he right? Are people in Manila plain vanilla? Have we been left behind the sexual revolution and debauchery that began thousands of years ago in Rome and Athens? Was it just about who sucks who, who fucks who, and that's it. Or perhaps it's because we are just too shy to actually engage in our fantasies. The weight of all that Catholic dogma suffocating sexual freedom.

I was curious and I decided to make it a point to ask guys I meet what their fantasies really are. And I discovered people do have fantasies. Gay men in the Philippines want to be tied, blind folded, double fucked, piss on, be pissed on, have orgies, watch people have sex. It's just that … most of them find it embarrassing. Shameful. The fear that people will talk about them, spread rumors.

Oh we know how we love to gossip.

"Tangina. Grabe yan, gusto niya kinakain lagi yung tamod."

"Naka threesome ko na yan eh."

"Dinouble fuck namin siya."

And the list goes on.

"So what will it be K?" E asked me. "Are you going to do it?"

"Well ... yep, I am," I replied. "I was thinking ... that ... starting this year, I will be the guy who will make your every sexual fantasy come true."

"OMG!!!! Love!!" E exclaimed. "Hahahaha. Your fame will spread farrrrrrr and wideeeee. As if you're not famous enough."

"Hahahaha. Gaga. But I won't do everything of course. Light stuff lang. No shit or blood, dead bodies or animals!"

"Ayaw mo ng sex with horses?"

"Hahaha. Gago. Nooooo I'm not ready to take on those roles," I protested laughing.

"Not yet, at least," E said.

"Fucker. Anyway, I want guys to feel comfortable with me, you know. To be able to do what they want without being judged or being talked about or being laughed at," I said. "Kung anong trip mo, game. As long as kaya ko."

"So ... like any good actor, I actually did my research and watched porn videos of people engaging in water play." I continued. "It's not my thing kasi. But it doesn't look too hard. It's just that the logistics needs to be planned. Where the pissing actually happens."

"Love!!!! Yan ang gusto ko sa iyo eh. You're a perfectionist."

"Well, I wouldn't want to disappoint Brian. I'm going to give him a night he won't forget. And who knows, I might actually have fun doing it."

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

The Hate Within Us


One day, the Sufi saint Lal Shahbaz Qalander (The Red Royal Falcon) was wandering the desert with his friend Sheikh Baha ud-Din Zakariya. It was winter and as night was approaching, they began to build a fire to keep warm.

They found some wood but they did not have fire, so Baha ud-Din suggested that Lal Shahbaz turn himself into a falcon and get fire from Hell. Off he flew, but an hour later he came back empty-handed.

"There is no fire in Hell," Lal Shahbaz said. "Everyone who goes there brings their own fire, their own hate, their own pain, pain from this world."

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Gossip Girl: To the Ball, To the Ball!!!


Meet The Cast

Attention Upper East Siders! This just in. Word is our it-boy Arlan is throwing the first ball of the year as he celebrates his birthday this Saturday. The entire kingdom is abuzz with the news as everyone plots to outshine the other.

"OMG!!! I'm so excited," I squealed to Vackie. "Nothing like a ball to start the year. Oh what to wear, what to wear? We can't possibly be seen in last season's clothes!"

"Hahaha. Soo … are you going for edgy skater boy or classic GQ?"

"I don't know. I was thinking more like sexy farmer's daughter?" I replied laughing.

"Honey, nobody fucks farmers' daughters. It's soooo Middle Ages," V said. "Besides, didn't that trend die down a few centuries ago?

"Hahaha. Fineeee. I just wanted to be more approachable," I explained.

"Approachable. not laughable," V countered.

"Okayyyy. I'll be the charming young man you bring home to your mother," I said. "All clean ... yet deadly. What do you think?"

"In that case, I suggest you leave the mascara at home honey."

"Hahaha. Gaga," I replied laughing. "Fine fine, I suppose eyeliner will have to do."

A few days after the New Year, I received a text from Arlan.

"Hey K, thank you for loving me unconditionally," he said.

"Well … you do make it difficult, at time," I said with a smiley face. There was more I wanted to tell him. That he's lucky he's in the safe zone of my heart, among the ones who's entrenched so deeply they can no longer be eliminated, unloved. Because it can be hard at times.

I was surprised by what A said. Surprised that he thanked me. I have been doing a lot of thinking about us. The past year has been … rather strained. We rarely see and talk to each other. I barely know what he's doing, how he's doing, what kind of music he likes now, what films he's been watching, who is he dating.

Once, he called me up and during the conversation he suddenly blurted out he had been listening to a lot of Broadway musicals. It caught me by surprise, how little I know this boy anymore. At times, I feel we must seem like strangers to each other.

The only times we really connect now is when we go out and party. Nothing like us … together. He's just so crazy and wild and free, how he can control the crowd, get them to notice him, notice us. We get each other. We feed on each other's energy until it consumes us all.

Then we rest. Until the next party. Sometimes, I almost feel we're no longer real friends, but merely party friends.

"I'm so excited honey na mejo may konting takot. I swear, I swear!!! I'll control myself. Don't want to do anything I'll regret the next day," A told me last night.

"Now where's the fun in that?" I said. "It wouldn't be you without some scandal about your friends stealing your boys or us getting hijacked into some stranger's place."

"Hahaha. Parang ayoko papuntahin mga boys ko. Baka ahasin ninyo," he said laughing.

"OMG!!! How dare you accuse us?" I said, pretending to be indignant. "Everything happens by accident. I talk to a cute boy, I get tipsy, a little dizzy. I ask him to hold me up, and I just so happen to lean on him like I'm the Tower of Pisa. I swear!!! Everything's an accident!!!"

"Hahahaha. Basta. Pinag-iisipan ko pa."

"Hahahaha. Fine, mabuti pa nga. You know us too well. I'm not sure we can … uhmmm, control ourselves," I said. "Malingat ka lang, paglingon mo … BAM! We're gone. I mean, he's gone."

"And oh, by the way, Fran decided to celebrate her birthday this Saturday at the same place," I mentioned casually.


"WHAT???? I can't believe that even up to now my evil twin sister still wants to steal my thunder," A thundered. "Humanda siya! Magpapaganda ako!"

I texted Fran. "I bring a message from His Highness, Your Majesty." I told her what A said. Her reply was curt. "Game on."

I went back to Arlan. "I have Her Majesty's response, Your Highness." I gave him the message. His reply:

"Ahhhh so my twisted twin sister has gained too much confidence. She's probably forgotten the tragedy that befell ambitious lil' Anne when she tried to derail the attention of King Henry VIII from Queen Mary of Spain.

Unlike the late legal crowned Queen, I act fast. I make sure that my adversaries won't get a tiny drop of what they're thirsting for. Game on, baby."

A few minutes later, he texted. "By the way, Anne was beheaded."

And that ladies and gentlemen, is how we prepare for a ball in the Upper East. Happy birthday A. Can't wait for the bash. Betting on who's getting smashed. Have fun you little rodents.


Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Gossip Girl: Beauty and the Beast


Blame It On Me

Once upon a time in a land called the Upper East,
a beautiful girl met a handsome Beast.
He put a spell upon her
a spell of love and wonder.

"What???? You shopped AGAIN????" Vackie exclaimed.

"Have you not heard of retail therapy?" I answered back. "It's either I shop or I eat and I'd rather be poor than fat. Besides, there's nothing like a pretty dress to perk a girl up."

"Hahahaha. Well, having pointed out the choices, I suppose shopping is the more preferable option," V said. "So what did you buy??"

"Oh ... Well, I may have gone overboard."

"Hahaha. Todo ka!!! Hay. You okay honey?"

"I am trying," I said, giving him a quick smile.

"Hay. You miss him, don't you?" V asked softly.

Gino and I have not seen each other for a while. We were having dinner to celebrate Christmas and catch up a little. I looked in his eyes if anything had changed since the last time I saw him. He was still as effervescent and bubbly as before, excited to tell all his stories, and we were having fun. Just like the way we used to.

The meal was ending, and an uncomfortable silence descended upon us. We had only agreed upon dinner, and we both didn't know what to do next. Christmas Eve was approaching and he told me he was going to be spending it alone.

"So anong plano mo after?" I asked him.

"Wala naman, ikaw ba?"

"I'm gonna see sina E. They invited me to spend Christmas at their home."

I knew he was waiting for me to invite him. But … I wasn't sure if that was a good idea. After all, I was trying to detach myself from him.

"Puede bang ibigay mo na lang sa akin ang Pasko, Kane?" he said quietly.

Sigh. What can I do? Just this once. Nobody should be alone on Christmas, I told myself.

Gino tells me he misses me, that he cannot understand why we cannot talk and see each other. He tells me he cares for me but he just isn't ready for a relationship, that he cannot be monogamous.

"Gusto mo ba yung malalaman mo na yung boyfriend mo nakikipagsex sa kung sino sino?" he says. "Hindi ako yung guy that you deserve Kane."

In his mind, the unasked question is: Why did you have to fall in love with me? I wanted to ask back: Why can't you love me?

"I know what you need," V told me. "You must find your true love's kiss to break the spell."

"My God … ang pressure naman. True love talaga? Can't I just shop my sadness away?" I said. "So I really should stop seeing him again huh."

"Perhaps it's for the best."

One upon a time in the land called the Upper East, 
a beautiful girl fled from a handsome Beast.
She tried to break a spell upon her
A spell of love and wonder.

And across the river, in a land far away
A mysterious young man was making his play.

"Kane, this is James," my friends said, introducing me to a guy.

"Hi," I said tentatively.

James and I chatted a little, we had fun talking, and we agreed to meet again next week.

"Here," he said taking out his phone, "give me your number. I gotta go soon. Got to pass by the office."

"Do you want to come with me?" he suddenly asked.

I thought for a moment. I was tired … but

"Sure," I said.

The next day

"So I met a really nice young man last night," I told Vackie.

"So did you and this really nice young man hook up? You shameless girl you," V teased me.

"Noooo!!! There is no shame," I said. "He and I just talked."

"Ooohhh. And does this chatty insomniac have a name?" V said.

"His name is James," I said. "He actually seems pretty nice. The kind of boy you bring home to your mother."

 "Ahhh…  but honey, the real question is, are you?" V said.

 "Hahaha gago. I am!"

"Really? Because it doesn't seem that way with your … uhmmm, recent indiscretions," he said.

"Well I am trying to change," I said. "But it seems people like you won't let me."

"Are you now … I've seen this before," V said. "I'll hold my judgment when I actually see it. But really honey, are you going to stop being the fun girl and be the relationship girl this year?"

Some fairy tales end where the girl gets her prince. And then there are those where the prince turns back into a frog.

But don't worry, my Upper East Sider friends. This story isn't ending. We're just at the start of a brand new chapter ... of a brand new year.

But too often the new year brings with it old habits. Habits that often makes us feel we're reliving the past. But it looks like K's wanna be starting somethin'.