Friday, August 31, 2012

Cosmo Girl Goes to Payatas


I was getting fuddled as the glasses of vodka and martini piled up. I looked around and all I could see were good looking men and women dressed up in beautiful clothes, shining under the dazzling lights, but it failed to lift my spirits up. I was tired, I was getting tired of this.

My God, my life is meaningless, I thought to myself. I keep buying clothes they're threatening to burst out of the closets, I'm drunk every single week, and random strangers hop in and out of my bed every other day. Is this what life is really all about? Is this what I really want?


Okay, fine. Of course, I didn't really mean any of that. Are you fuckin' kidding me? I love my life. I just loved how it sounded so overly ... dramatic. And I suspect, many of you were bobbing your heads up and down, thinking finally! Kane's maturing! Bet you all wanna see that huh? *grins*

Too bad it ain't so. But I do have other news. I have decided to expand my social activities and I am currently organizing a volunteer project with Habitat For Humanity Philippines. I am inviting my colleagues at the office, friends, and if any of you are interested, I'd love for you to join. Perhaps some of us are looking for ways to help, and the best thing is, it's free. All we need is your time and hard work.

I am targeting at least 25 hours of work building houses in Payatas,Quezon City, of around eight hours per session. You can opt to join on the dates you're available. My company will match my hours of service with a cash contribution. It will be tough, it will be hot (or wet if rainy), tiring. But it should also be fun. We don't know yet the dates (it will be several Saturdays from September to November), but if any are interested, email me at

Invite your friends, your family, your workmates. Especially if they're cute. After all, I am a firm believer in having fun while sweating it out.

"Can you hold my ... tool?"

"Can you screw me, I mean, screw this?"

See yah.

Friday, August 17, 2012

The War Between Cosmo Girl and Relationship Girl


"Good morning baby Kane!!!!" my friend Lyle happily greeted in Facebook chat.

"Hahaha. Wow, someone woke up on the really good side of bed," I said. "Kamusta?"

Lyle and I met a longtime ago during my first trip to the island of Boracay. He and his friends lived on the island, working as drag performers for tourists and they befriended me. I had just finished college, I was young and I was traveling alone. I was supposed to stay for three days in Boracay but I ended up staying for more than two weeks.

Lyle and his friends took me to Kalibo, to Iloilo, and I would have stayed longer if not for my mom frantically calling me and asking "What are you doing there? Umuwi ka na!"

At that time, I couldn't tell her I was just having sooooo much fun. Ahhhh, the joys of youth. Careless, carefree.

"Naloloka ako sayo!!!" Lyle exclaimed. "Ang guguapo ng kasama mo!!!"

"Oh my goddddddd!!!" I screeched back. "You're spying on meeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! I hate it!!!"

 "Sino sa kanila ang boyfriend mo? (Who among them is your boyfriend?)"

"Wala asus. (No one.) I don't have a boyfriend now," I said.

"Bakit naman? (Why is that?)"

"I'm a Cosmo Girl," I said. "I guess ... I don't want to settle down with just anyone. I'm taking my time and, well ... I'm having fun while at it actually."

For more than two thousand years, women were told that their role in society is to be good wives to their husbands, and good mothers to their kids. From a young age, they were trained and groomed to wash clothes, cook food, sew dresses and be loyal and faithful to their men. To be single means you were an oddity, and most people either pitied or disdained you. To belong: you must be a Relationship Girl.

It wasn't until postwar America when a new kind of girl emerged. The rise of the Cosmo Girl can be traced to Helen Gurley Brown, who as editor of Cosmopolitan magazine in the 1960s to the 1990s shocked the modern world when she told single women that it's okay to be single, and that it's okay to have sex. She taught unmarried women how to look their best, have delicious affairs and ultimately bag a man for keeps.

Before she took over, Cosmopolitan's target reader was a married suburbanite, preoccupied with keeping the house spotless, raising the perfect child, baking the perfect Thanksgiving turkey. Brown ditched the children, the apron, the turkey and the house.

Gone was the Relationship Girl, and in her place was that Cosmopolitan Girl. Unencumbered by husband and children, the Cosmo Girl is self-made, sexual and supremely ambitious. She had delicious affairs, sizzling sex, looked great, wore fabulous clothes and looked even better when those clothes came off.

Yes, I'm a Cosmo Girl. And more often than not, I find myself caught up in the endless war between the Cosmo Girl and the Relationship Girl.

The Relationship Girl calls Cosmo Girl a slut, a whore, a drunkard who fills her empty life with random sex and loud parties to forget how meaningful her life is. So what if she's wearing beautiful clothes, so what if she gets all the hot guys: nobody loves her. She points to her beautiful home, her loving husband, her immaculately dressed children as proof of her success. Look! My life has meaning.

On the other hand, Cosmo Girl calls Relationship Girl a sell-out who got knocked up as a teenager and married her highschool sweetheart. Her life is filled with mundane, repetitive chores: washing the dishes, scrubbing the floor. All that she has is her family and her house, and nothing more.

In reality, people are rarely this extreme but I have often been the subject of strangers and friends questioning and judging my lifestyle.

"Gimik na naman?" ("Going out again?")
"Puro ka na lang sex." ("You're such a slut.")
"Lagi ka na lang lasing." ("You're always drunk")
"Bakit kasi hindi ka magpakatino?" ("Why don't you get serious and settle down?")

People would say these with a raised eyebrow and a questioning look on their faces. And I sometimes feel I have to explain my lifestyle and my choices again and again.

I hate Sundays. On most days, Cosmo Girl and Relationship Girl are even, but it is during Sundays when Relationship Girl triumphs and Cosmo Girl falls.

On Friday and Saturday nights, Cosmo Girl lords over the city. Clad in high heels and tight dresses, she sips a cocktail while playfully flirting with a guy she just met. Meanwhile, Relationship Girl is dead to the world, snoring in her bedroom waiting for her boyfriend or husband to come home.

But during Sundays, the tides turn. Relationship Girl is spotted shopping with her beau, lunching with the in-laws, attending mass in her classic Chanel. Meanwhile, Cosmo Girl is suffering from a massive headache; she wakes up drunk, next to a stranger she met last night, and her eyes are smudged with mascara.

Yes, ladies and gents, that's me on Sundays. And I expect that'll be the case for quite a few Sundays still. Until when, you may ask. My dear friends, only time will tell.

Written in memory of Helen Gurley Brown, who passed away in New York City on Aug. 13, 2012. Even when I become a Relationship Girl, I'd still be a Cosmo Girl at heart.

Friday, August 10, 2012

The Most Beautiful Thing to a Woman

Written on the 8th of August, in the Year of the Lord 2012 while monsoon rains battered Manila and flooded the city and nearby provinces

Dear Shobe,

So ... thirty one, married, pregnant and alcohol-free. Who would have thought all that could happen in a year? Sometimes when I think of you I barely remember the girl you used to be. Things have changed dramatically, haven't they.

Clad in Marc Jacobs and Michael Kors in your beautiful home near L.A.'s coast, you are the perfect example of the girl living the American dream. God, Shobe ... you made it. Your fairytale came true; the prince, the castle, the jewels (I'm kidding!).

Sometimes, I envy you and the life you have. I suppose what I envy the most is how structured it is, how ... stable. Like everything's in place, things are exactly where they're supposed to be. No more roller coaster rides, no more lonely cold nights. Ang saya diba? Alam mo yan.

When I hear your stories: refurbishing your home, entertaining the in-laws, and the body-racking nine-month pregnancy journey, it's a whole new world. I can't help but feel how different our lives have become. And how, it will become even more different.

June, 2012

"By the way, I have two great news for you," you texted me. "I got a job at Kaiser, my dream hospital. Plus I am seven weeks pregnant! I am sooooo happy :):

"Hello Uncle!!!"

Time  stood still. I felt a mixture of emotions. I was shocked. Oh ... my ... God. Me??? Uncle???? I swear Shobe, I'll order your children to call me Kuya!

But as I stared at the photo of the small fetus growing in your womb, I couldn't help but be thrilled, excited, and ... strangely enough, I was scared too. I didn't understand why then, and I suppose I unconsciously pushed the thought at the back of my head. I wasn't uncomfortable about how I was feeling about it. But as your birthday approached, I told myself: it's time to face it.

And after some honest reflecting, I realized ... that I was afraid of losing you. I was scared of losing the girl who has always been there for me. I recognize that having a baby will mean a shift in priorities and I guess the selfish part of me didn't want to lose the spotlight.

You know how everyone says we have such an amazing relationship. And we do, no? We've always taken care of each other, and I got used to it. You've loved me unconditionally, you were always there for me: when I needed someone to listen, someone to cry to, laugh with, drink with, party with, and of course, dance with! You and I have a special bond, alam mo yan. You and I, it's always been that way ever since we were small.

Badj and I had dinner last weekend, and she was telling me how your priorities change once you have a child. No matter how much you want to see your friends, or go out: you just don't have the energy or the time for it anymore. Things do get better after awhile, she says, once you have adjusted.

I must admit I was saddened by what Badj said. But then I remembered what a wise friend once told me: life has its different seasons. And I realize what I must do: it's my turn to give more. To understand when you will be too busy, or too tired from work and from taking care of the baby to catch up and talk. Or if we can no longer travel as much as before. Or dance like we used to.

Because something is going to happen to you. Something magical.

In the film Venus, which tells the story of an old man (Maurice) falling in love with a young girl (Jessie), there was a scene where Maurice brought Jessie to the National Gallery and showed her Diego Velázquez's "The Toilet of Venus".

They were both gazing at the painting and Maurice tells Jessie a woman's body is the most beautiful thing to most men. What is the most beautiful thing to a woman? Jessie then asks him with a quizzical look on her face. Maurice gives her an answer which I think will ring truthfully in your heart: her first child.

You, my little sister, will soon gaze upon the most beautiful thing you have ever seen. Your first child. I can only imagine how that would feel like.

And so, if you remember what I told you right after your pregnancy news, it's true. I am overjoyed for you. It looks like you really are the girl who has everything. =) I promise to be there for you in whatever way you need me to be.

So happy birthday my love. I am excited to see you again, and to meet the newest member of our growing family. I miss you terribly.


Friday, August 03, 2012

Sex and Another City


The story below contains some elements of sex, and not just sex, but gay sex. If you feel you may be offended, please do not proceed. (So mom and dad, if you're reading this, do us all a favor and stop!!!!)

It was a gusty, stormy night in Manila. It had been raining incessantly for days and the weather was making people feel lethargic. But no thunderstorm can stop someone from having a good time, it seems. My friends had just come from Distillery and I decided to meet them while they were eating at three in the morning.

"Hey!!!" I shouted to everyone.

"Grabe ka! Hindi ka man lang nagsabi nag Cebu ka pala!" Tim said after hugging each other. "Andoon kaya ako."

Tim is now based in Manila, though he originally hailed from Cebu. They were all a little red faced; they've all obviously had a few drinks and everyone was perky.

"Ayy ... I'm sorry I didn't know!" I exclaimed. "Besides, it was a quick trip. I didn't have a lot of time kasi work."

"Talaga lang ha," Tim replied. "Pero may oras mag Grindr?"

"Hahahaha. What do you mean?" I said, feigning ignorance.

"Ikaw talaga! Nagulat na lang ako nung sinabi ng kaibigan ko 'Gusto ko talaga siya' tapos pinakita niya ang picture mo! May nangyari daw sa inyo!"

"Aaaayyyyyyyyy!!! I hate it! Why do people kiss and tell?" I squealed while laughing. "I deny it!"

"God! Whatever happened to being discrete about your private affairs?" I protested. "So now people are gossiping about me? In Cebu pa? When all I want is to be the low-profile guy. You know, the girl in the corner."

"Hay naku K! Ikaw talaga!" everyone teased me.

"Well," I said, shrugging them off. "So ... tell me. I must have been good or what?" I said grinning.

A few weeks ago ...

The phone rang while I was cumming inside a boy's mouth. "Hello?" I said, struggling not to moan and to speak normally as my dick throbbed.

"Sir, just a reminder it's check out time," the concierge said. I was still in the midst of an orgasm and was having difficulty focusing. Ahhh, yes, the time. They're telling me to go.

"Okay, thanks," I said and put the phone down.

I was spent. "Hey, okay ka na?"I asked Peter. "Sorry ha, but we have to go. Check out time na kasi. Late ka kasi dumating," I teased him.

Ten minutes before the check out time, and two hours before my flight, Peter and I were still getting it on. I know ... I know ... The thing is, I have had my fill of sex in the past two days yet I couldn't resist wanting more.

In the middle of one of my encounters, I suddenly had trouble reaching climax. It was no fault of the guy, he was fairly attractive and fairly skillful. And it was then that I had an ephiphany.

Oh my fuckin' God. Could it be ... that I wasn't horny?

To be more precise, I wasn't horny in my dick, but I was horny in my head.

I realized I'm suffering from a condition called the buffet mentality. You know how it is: you're in front of rows and rows of delicious food, you've had your 15th plate and your tummy is about to go bust. Yet you still want to try one more dish. You tell yourself, just one more dish. In truth, you're no longer hungry. Except that the dishes looked so good and you just want one more bite.

I find that my drive for sex is a little similar. At times, I'm not really horny. But I still want to fuck. Sayang naman kasi. Cute pa naman. Gusto naman niya. Game na game.

A hedonist strives to cram all the pleasure he can get into a single lifetime. And perhaps for me, that includes all the mind-fuckin' blowing sex one can have with all the cute guys one can get.

I couldn't believe I've fallen into the trap. Sigh. And it seems like there's no getting out of it.