Friday, April 17, 2009

On Writing

I have what I think is a common affliction. I want to be liked. Doesn't everyone? But who am I trying to please?


Who are you trying to please? Be selfish. But be honest. Write with unflinching honesty.  Assume no one will read it. That is the only way to write.


Monday, April 13, 2009

When We Were Little Men

Last Thursday, my phone rang. Okay, a miss call from an unknown number, I told myself. 

Me: Who is this?

Person: Hi K.

Me: Hi. Who is this please?

Person: J

Me: Hey, sinong J ito?

J: Di mo na ako kilala?

Me: Ang kilala ko kasi si XXX

J: Anak ni A, remember?

Me: (OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!)




It was the summer of 1993. My family and I had just arrived in Manila. My parents and my sister accompanied me from the province to help me settle into my new high school.

We stayed at my cousin's place and because it was a small house, I had to bunk in with one of my cousin's sons.

His name was J. He was around 8 (I think) that time, he was effeminate and people would tease him about being gay. Still, I didn't think much about it. My sister and I would play with him and his siblings on the streets, watch TV, and hangout together at the Harrison Mall. 

But one night, while we were asleep, I felt him rubbing my cock and because I enjoyed it, I let him. At that time, I didn't know a lot about sex or jerking off. So, I was very surprised when I felt an intense feeling and then I came. It was my first orgasm and it was heavenly.

And so it happened almost every night. Come bed time, he would snuggle up beside me, we would pretend to be asleep, and then he would touch me. Once I asked him to suck it, but he only tried it and said he didn't like it. No one knew about it and we never talked about what happened.

After about a month, classes started and I moved into the school's dormitory. We said our goodbyes, and I never saw him or his family again.



Me: Oh hey J. Kamusta? Ano balita?

J: Ayos naman. Kakagraduate ko lang, andito ako Pangasinan. 5 days vacation lang. Ikaw? Kamusta ka na?

Me: I'm great. So how is your family now?

J: They're fine. What are you up to today?

Me: Rest lang naman.

J: San ka stay ngayon?

Me: QC

J: Ah. Sino kasama mo? Partner?

Me: No, I live alone. 

J: Ah.. Tagal na natin di nagkita no? Mga 15 years na ata

Me: Oo nga eh. I haven’t heard anything about you guys.

J: Very long time. But I thought of you many times.

Me: (OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDD!!! Silence. No reply)

J: Would you like to meet up next week?

Me: (WHATTT???????????? Again, silence. No reply.)

J: K?

J: ?

J: K


After several hours, I finally replied.

Me: Sorry I was busy. Yeah sure. Sige, let me know when you're free.

I guess the ghost of summer pasts is haunting me. I don't really know if I should meet J or not. What will he say? What will I say? What if he brings up what happened?

P.S. I called my bestfriend V and told him what happened.

V: You should meet him. That poor guy probably was traumatized and wants closure!

Me: Come on, we were just kids. What did we know. Besides, I'm probably the story he tells all his friends, his hot sexual encounter with a relative.

V: Well, true. It's very much or, the incest files.

Me: Gaga ka talaga!