Wednesday, June 13, 2012

The Goodbye Kiss


Gossip Girl: The Inglourious Basterds

"Short hair is more commercial, more sell-able. And I ... I wanted to be sold. As the locks of hair started to fall, I felt like all the heroines in all the books and films I've seen. I'm Romeo's Juliet, I'm Dante's Beatrice. I'm Serena and Blair, I'm the Devil Wearing Prada."

"From now on, no more Mr. Nice Guy."

Gino had to leave earlier so Lloyd and I were left alone the next day. It was the second time we hung out together, so the atmosphere was less tensed, more comfortable. Lloyd was polite. soft spoken, and surprisingly sweet. He had come from the province to work in Manila and he was supporting himself, as well as some of his siblings.

He had just begun work as a real estate agent and he was worried about his prospects. He was telling me about the nature of the job, the potential gains as well as the difficulties.

"If it's unstable, why not look for another job?" I asked. "I mean, you could earn a lot in the BPO industry."

"Yeah. In my previous call center job, I could earn 25,000 pesos a month or more, but that's not enough Kane."

"Ha? That's a lot of money already," I protested. "You mean, it's not enough?"

"Not if you have to support not just yourself but others as well. My brothers and sisters are still in high school. There's still college."


The more we talk, the more I found Lloyd endearing. He's hard working, charming, kind, not to mention cute and extremely talented in bed. He snuggled up beside me and we lay together for a few minutes, neither one of us talking.

This, just like this, I thought to myself. I missed being intimate with someone. It has been awhile and though I tend to drown myself with work, parties and sex, the need for human intimacy has always been there. The quiet moments you spend with your lover, a simple kiss, a hand held.

"Hey, I gotta go soon Kane," Lloyd said. "But I really had fun," he said and grinned. "Salamat ha. (Thank you.)"

I  nodded. "Sure. I mean, I really enjoyed your company," I answered. "Come, hatid na kita. I'll bring you down."

The evening was quiet. The street, which was often raucous and noisy during weekdays, was still on Sundays. Lloyd hugged me tightly just as he was about to leave. "Mmmm," he whispered and nestled his head on my shoulder.

"I'll see you soon, " I said, and gave a soft smile. I kissed him on the lips even though there were passerbys in the street and embraced him. I didn't want to let go, I wanted the moment to last forever. I squeezed him tighter, and tighter ... aching in the thought that I will never see him again.

Yes, that's right. I won't be seeing Lloyd again. But why, perhaps some of you will wonder. The answer is simple. His time is up.

But he doesn't know that yet. That knowledge will come later. Much, much later. When he stops being invited to hang out with us, when he no longer gets asked to attend parties with us, or even simply for sex. When his messages are answered late, or perhaps won't be answered at all. Slowly, he will understand. But not yet. We still have now; this moment so sweet and exquisite its memory will burn into my mind and last for all eternity.


dabo said...

Life is eternity with a period.

gillboard said...

Ouch for him.

cHard said...

reality bites.. real hard..

citybuoy said...

Why do we complicate our own lives, Kane? I've always been fascinated by that particular part of being human.

Perhaps when you've been hurt too many times, you start to listen and believe to the collective voices of your exes who tell you you're not good enough.

Or I'm just over-thinking it. Why do I complicate my own statements?

rudeboy said...

"His time is up."

In Prometheus, the android David asks one of the human doctors, who was despondent at failing to find any living members of mankind's supposed Creators and thus the answers to the great mystery of existence, why the human race made him.

"Because we could," came the arrogant, dismissive reply.

"How disappointing it must be for you, then," David calmly responded, "if your own Makers were to say the same thing about you."

Then, pouring a fateful drink, David asks the scientist "What are you willing to far are you willing to go to get your answers?"

"Anything...and everything." said the scientist.

And with that, his time was up.

eon said...

i've always wondered about that. i used to be honest to tricks, i tell them if i am no longer interested. but most couldn't handle the truth. too painful. a huge blow on the ego. so i stopped being honest and started doing what you will do: no more invites, no more replies.

Mowgli said...

Letting go of people is such a difficult thing to do but most of the time it's the necessary thing to do.

joelmcvie said...

You're just not that into him.

Next! ;-)

LanchiE said...

One of the harsh realities.

Spiral Prince said...

Where Go the Boats?

Green leaves a-floating,
Castles of the foam,
Boats of mine a-boating -
Where will all come home?