"Beauty is about perception, not about make-up. I think the beginning of all beauty is knowing and liking oneself. You can`t put on make-up, or dress yourself, or do you hair with any sort of fun or joy if you`re doing it from a position of correction."
B and I were going to watch a movie with some friends. It was our fourth date. We were talking about artistas and films when he suddenly said, "Did you put something in your eyes?"
My whole body went rigid and I thought to myself, "Oh no! What do I say? Is he ready?"
"Well, yeah. I put on eyeliner," I said.
He studied me closely and said "You're so cute."
You see, every little girl, at some point in time, learns to hide her flaws and accentuate her beauty using rouge, mascara, and eyeliner. But I wasn't that little girl.
In fact, I wasn't a little girl at all. I was a little boy who dreamt of marrying a girl, have children, and live happily ever after. But one day, I realized and accepted I was gay and promptly chucked that dream away.
It was 2003 and I was going out with Nico. I noticed Nico's cheeks were always flushed.
"You know, you always have rosy cheeks," I mentioned to him once.
"Errr. Hahaha. Kane, come on. It's not natural. I use cheek stain of Body Shop," Nico explained.
"Cheek what???," I asked him.
"Here. Let me show you," Nico said and took out this long, slender tube that would forever change my life.
"There. Look at yourself," Nico said. "Here, let me put some eyeliner."
I slowly turned to face the mirror and that's when it happened. Gasp! Was that me? I felt like a prince(ss). My eyes were full, my cheeks glowed softly, my face looked like those faces splashed in magazines.
I wanted that moment to last forever. That was the effect of trying on make-up. You suddenly, shockingly, become that girl.
So as the years passed, I learned the tricks of using the eyeliner. How to make your eyes pop, how to get that rockstar look. And it is in those moments of transformation that I can pretend to be someone else, even if just for a night.
A hooker, a rockstar. An artist, a freak. It's a wonder how a little make-up goes a long way.
But at the end of the day, after you've showered and removed everything; the eyeliner, the perfume, the clothes, it feels good to have someone look at you and still think you're that prince(ss). Flaws and all.
"People say sometimes that beauty is only superficial. That may be so, but at least it is not so superficial as thought is. To me, beauty is the wonder of wonders. It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances. The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible."
---Oscar Wilde, "The Picture of Dorian Gray"
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