Monday, April 26, 2010

B and the Eyeliner

"Beauty is about perception, not about make-up. I think the beginning of all beauty is knowing and liking oneself. You can`t put on make-up, or dress yourself, or do you hair with any sort of fun or joy if you`re doing it from a position of correction."
---Kevyn Aucoin

B and I were going to watch a movie with some friends. It was our fourth date. We were talking about artistas and films when he suddenly said, "Did you put something in your eyes?"

My whole body went rigid and I thought to myself, "Oh no! What do I say? Is he ready?"

"Well, yeah. I put on eyeliner," I said.

He studied me closely and said "You're so cute."

You see, every little girl, at some point in time, learns to hide her flaws and accentuate her beauty using rouge, mascara, and eyeliner. But I wasn't that little girl.

In fact, I wasn't a little girl at all. I was a little boy who dreamt of marrying a girl, have children, and live happily ever after. But one day, I realized and accepted I was gay and promptly chucked that dream away.

It was 2003 and I was going out with Nico. I noticed Nico's cheeks were always flushed.

"You know, you always have rosy cheeks," I mentioned to him once.

"Errr. Hahaha. Kane, come on. It's not natural. I use cheek stain of Body Shop," Nico explained.

"Cheek what???," I asked him.

"Here. Let me show you," Nico said and took out this long, slender tube that would forever change my life.

"There. Look at yourself," Nico said. "Here, let me put some eyeliner."

I slowly turned to face the mirror and that's when it happened. Gasp! Was that me? I felt like a prince(ss). My eyes were full, my cheeks glowed softly, my face looked like those faces splashed in magazines.

I wanted that moment to last forever. That was the effect of trying on make-up. You suddenly, shockingly, become that girl.

So as the years passed, I learned the tricks of using the eyeliner. How to make your eyes pop, how to get that rockstar look. And it is in those moments of transformation that I can pretend to be someone else, even if just for a night.

A hooker, a rockstar. An artist, a freak. It's a wonder how a little make-up goes a long way.

But at the end of the day, after you've showered and removed everything; the eyeliner, the perfume, the clothes, it feels good to have someone look at you and still think you're that prince(ss). Flaws and all.

"People say sometimes that beauty is only superficial. That may be so, but at least it is not so superficial as thought is. To me, beauty is the wonder of wonders. It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances. The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible."
---Oscar Wilde, "The Picture of Dorian Gray"


daredevilry said...

B earned himself some pogi points for not freaking out. :)

Yj said...

sometimes when im in the mood for it, i wear more eyeliner than Avril Lavigne.... you have no idea how ecstatic i was the first time i tried JPG's tanner blush.... for a moment, naramdaman ko kung pano maging si Tyra Banks... hihihihi.... and yeah pogi points for B....

engel said...

iba na to kane!!!

kinikilig ako. =)

ʎonqʎʇıɔ said...

how sweet!

i've never been a make up kind of guy but i can relate with the whole shattered dream part..

if only life were easy haha

it's easy to fall for someone with their make up on. just like what no doubt said, magic's in the make up. :D but with what b said, it seems he likes you with or without it. that's definitely a good sign.

Trese said...

Oh yes... your devilish rockstar eyes K! Before, I used to put a little dash of bronzer. Now di na. I put some lip-stain on my lips every now and then... to make them pop and pout! :p

Galen said...

I really like the way you wrote this entry.

rudeboy said...

One of the reasons I like guys is that, unlike women, their beauty is normally bare, not the alluring but illusory product of layers of cosmetics.

But I've learned to appreciate that men - gay, straight, or metrosexual - come in more shades than Revlon. I've even become fascinated by drag queens, and how they transform themselves from drab ordinariness to dramatic fabulousness.

If I were ever to wear make-up, it would be guyliner. Because eyes, as you know, are the windows to the soul - and I wish mine to be black as kohl.

♥N said...

I can never leave the house without at least putting on lipstick or eyeliner. I feel so naked and exposed (and ugly) without it. It's amazing what a little tube and some color can do to one's vanity and ego.

Guyrony said...

Cute post.

The guy is already accepting who you are and it's so sweet of him.

Oh, that's why you look like a fierce rock star every time I accidentally see you. :)

Nice, very nice.

Kiks said...

well, well, well, mr eyeliner. it does help to have that "cute" stamped on you by B.

it strikes me how the world of gayness has now embraced make-up. if only on that count, the japanese remain to be on top of the list for the simple reason they don't need to put on anything. nagpapluck lang sila ng kilay.

btw, sa last line, so B. so Beyonce Knowles. ;-)

Sid said...

LOL! You really are too cute. I only ever wear mascara, eye-liner and blush. Not quite sure what to do with things like base/foundation.

dabo said...

this entry.. magical.. ewan ko dahil ba eyeliners equate to love suddenly hehe

TeBaN EsCuDera said...


Applause, applause. First quote pa lang winner na. But that is sooo you Kane.

A hooker, a rockstar, an artist, a freak - you know who you are kane that an eyeliner does wonders to you.

love it.

TeBaN EsCuDera said...

ill repost this in fb. i like!

Anonymous said...

K.. ikaw na nga talaga... ang daya.. pero pag iba eh minus na agad..

haaay ganun talaga. pero am sure kinaban ka?! heheh