Monday, August 23, 2010

You, Secret


"So, see you next week maybe?" James said as he put on his jeans.

"Yeah sure."

I lit a cigarette and watched as the smoke wafted out the window. It was early evening and it has started to drizzle.

"Do you want to stay over? You can leave early tomorrow," I told James, pointing at the rain.

"I can't. It's alright; it should be easy to get a cab."

James and I have been seeing each other on and off for more than four years now. He knows my body, every nook and corner of it, better than some of my lovers. When we have sex, I sometimes feel I'm a violin and his tongue is the bow, smooth and slow, at times quick, rough, insistent.

Sometimes we see each other once a week, sometimes once in a year. There is an unspoken rule; our lovers always come first, you second.

Still, our relationship has outlived every single one that I had with my boyfriends. Sometimes I wonder what we have and how long it will last.

"Do you have other buddies?" I asked him once.


"Why not?"

"I don't know Kane. I guess at some point in time, you'll tire of random encounters too."

"I like what we have," he explained. "You know, someone to talk to, someone to fuck with."

Human beings, no matter what we think, are creatures of habit after all. There is a certain comfort in the regularity, of having someone, anyone.

James and I met at a party hosted by a common friend. He was too charming; I couldn’t resist.

"I've always liked boys with dimples," James said, offering me a drink.

"Ohhh. Hahaha. It's just a dimple," I replied.

"Can I see you again?"

"Uhmm. I have a boyfriend James."

"Do you... now."

I have a boyfriend, I kept reminding myself. But James' presence made me giddy, light

"So, what do you do?" I asked him.

"I'm a man of many talents," he said teasingly.

"Ahh. But can you do the hardest thing of all?" I said, pulling him closer to me. I was getting drunk, and the alcohol made me reckless.

"What is that?"

His fingers were playing with my hand. I knew he wanted me and the knowledge made me braver than I really was. I looked him in the eye.

"Keep a secret."

He held my gaze.

"Ahhhh. Yes. I can do that."

We kissed.

"Can I add you in my Facebook?" James asked me before he left.

"Uhm. Why?"

"So we can be friends."

"We are friends, James. Just not that kind of friends."

"Why not?"

"Don't you remember? I thought you understood.You're my secret."


Aris said...

bravo, kane! ganda. galing. simple lang pero may impact. :)

iurico said...

I agree with Aris. This is worth the read.

Peter said...

Could have been real. But could FuBus actually last that long a time?

Silly_Sili_Kid said...

Anywhere else except in facebook. You want to keep him a secret because you don’t want him to keep another secret with someone else. Especially with someone you know.because deep inside it will hurt too. but you got nothing to get angry at him.
that fact's a bitch.

Alterjon said...

A very dexterous hands you got here - left me dead on the spot. Every word hits the spot. Yep. Another good read.

Ronnie said...

Wow, this is 'grool'. ;)

Nimmy said...

for some weird reason, i'm humming AFRAID FOR LOVE TO FADE while reading this post. hahahaha.

i like this post. tama si Aris. simple pero pumapalo ng bonggang bongga. hehehe. :)

happy monday to you :D

Tristan Tan said...

I sort of imagined myself back in Bed while I was reading this post. I love the lines Kane. Would you terribly mind if I use one or two of these lines? Hehe

engel said...

you've been posting bout fubus lately. pansin ko lang. :)

soltero said...

very nice.....and sure this is fiction??? hmmm :)

Cio said...

You're a god, K.

Momel said...

Not to kiss ass... so I won't.

Ahaha, I have a lot of secrets, plenty enough for a whole population and still have enough to import to Iran or somewhere, and now I wish I can get fucked by one of them. That'll be a world of convenience, but then, you can't expect none of those secrets to get a goddamn erection.

Cheers Kane!

ʎonqʎʇıɔ said...

Allow me to echo Aris. The conciseness made it really powerful. What a nice way to start my day.

Made me think of my James. haha Strange how they always outlive our relationships. haha

"Don't you remember? I thought you understood.You're my secret."

Now I don't feel so bad I rejected his FB request. :p

wv: calitu (how confusing!)

♥N said...

I loved this so much. I felt the punch at the end "you're my secret."

I got goosebumps - it was that good.

Anonymous said...

wow... it's so hard to breathe. i've read and reread this and still it grips me everytime. i see my self in james... i see my self in you. it's surreal. it's so real. thank you

Guyrony said...

A dirty little secret you plan to keep. Or time can only tell?

Bravo dear K.

lee said...

WOW! i'll keep my comment with just that.

Arian T said...


You had me at your lame trick, boy.

This made me smile though.

daph said...

bravo! but k, this deserves a part 2...

E said...

friend parang hindi to fiction ha...kilala ko to gusto mo i-GG natin? lolz

Anonymous said...

tutuo ba to? hahahahav- marv

neal said...

this is so good karl, good job

masasabi ko lng ai ... this is not fiction :) nangyayari to

Anonymous said...

I love it! I love the lines! they are so sensual! and it made me see every bit of the moment on that short but fabulous story! maybe i should produce a photo series of james and kane haha! mwah!!!

czargarcia said...

we all have our "secret" sometimes he's there in the absence of the "substituted".

Mich said...

Ah. Mr. Big. What to do when he suddenly wants to be more than a secret ;)

RC said...

i looooveee!!! if you're on a stage k,you just got yourself a standing ovation!! =D

Jason Tomas said...

OMG! Thats just writing prowess... Pang comics! haha