Thursday, May 09, 2013

Shotgun Wedding


"What you want, nobody can give you."
---Mary Karr, "Lit"

My phone beeped.

"It's official K," C texted. "We're together as a couple!!!"

"OMG! You fuckin' got hitched! Congratulations! I'm happy for you!!"

"Honey," I told Vackie. "May boyfriend na si Carlo (Carlo now has a boyfriend). Call it a shotgun wedding or whirlwind romance or one last desperate attempt to escape being an old maid, but he did it."

"OMG! You mean he actually managed to find a good man and keep him?" he replied as we both laughed. 

"I know!" I said. "Who would have thought? Imagine, after all these years... "

Sometime late March, Carlo and I sat down over bottles of beer and discussed our seeming inability to find romantic partners. What's wrong with us? we wondered. Were we being too picky, was there a dearth of suitable candidates, were men not attracted to us?

"Ang tagal ko na ring single (I've been single for a long time now)," C said. "When people ask, I just say four years but it's really a lot longer than that."

"I've been thinking, I'm always too careful. You know me. Maybe I should take a chance," he continued. "What about you?"

What about me? I pondered silently about the question as I took a swig of the beer. "You know what I've been thinking about lately?" I said. "How I was about 18 when I first started watching Sex and the City. Carrie was about 32 then and, now can you believe it? I'm as old as she was in Season 1!"

"And I wonder, haven't I've learned enough from watching all those girls date, break up, date all over again? I thought somehow we could skip all the messy dating part and go straight to happy ever after," I continued. "I guess not. And sometimes, I get to think I'm really becoming the ultimate single girl."

Like Carrie and the girls. Stable jobs, parties, dates. One after another. But as someone once told me, "I am happiest when I'm in love." Those words echoed in me.

And so when people would ask me why I'm not with anyone, I always give the same response. I'm always the date, never the groom. That is my fate.

The past few weeks have been a little difficult. Carlo has always been one of my constant companions in the last few years, always the one raring to go out, to have a drink. Saturday night would come and his call for action would be: "Where are we going tonight?"

But ever since he started dating, we haven't really spent time together. I miss him. I understand, of course. I know the drill oh-too-well. And I am happy for him. 

That night, I texted him.

"I'm really happy for you C. I know how beautiful and amazing it is to find love. You, of all people, deserve this. 

I miss you, but I guess that's part of it. I love you "

Days passed. One day, I was startled to receive a message from a guy, well, if we were to be completely honest, a guy I ... kind of like. My heart … fluttered

Be still, I told myself. He couldn't possibly like you. He's just … being nice. Nothing more. But secretly, I wished he did. I wished he did.

"Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better."
---Samuel Beckett


♔ıǝɹɯɐı♔ said...

Uhm. Fingers-crossed? :)

Mamon said...

claim it. :)

JM said...

I'm hopeful as you are dear. It's been a while since Kane has been - in love. :)

And you were missed, here.

♥N said...

It's the feeling that I hate most in the world: as though I am alone and will never find (everlasting) love in my life.

I think that if you just continue to keep your heart and mind open to receiving love, it will come your way. Chin up, Kane. Love will come your way when you least expect it.

Mac Callister said...

Yan na yun! Hihih

joelmcvie said...

[1] Find someone who has a similar sense of humor as yours. You make him laugh, he makes you laugh.

[2] You two agree with the more important values. Everything else is negotiable.

[3] Notice that I didn't mention anything about the physical aspect? ;-)

Guyrony said...

Remember what we talked about - wear something vulnerable during the date...

For those chilly situations.

blognihomey said...

It's been a while kane. fingers crossed:) Good luck! :)

citybuoy said...

I have this theory that though Disney films fucked up a lot of the kids in our generation, it's SATC that's the real culprit.

Don't get me wrong. I love Carrie and the girls (kahit nga carrie diaries, pinatulan ko na) but it's this endless search and how easy it is to mirror them... nakakaloka!

And I'm glad you're heart's fluttering. Whoever said that was right. I like Happy Kane. :)

citybuoy said...

And to add to McVie's three things, allow me to borrow from this coffee table book I once browsed through: marry the kindest person you know. :)

Yas Jayson said...

Hope. It always makes us warm.

Momel said...

Ayan Pogi, post lang ng post. Blog tayo ulet ha? In love man o hindi ha? Hehe, muahness from Pasig Cirehhh!