Thursday, February 28, 2013

The In-Between


Gossip Girl: Mi Querida Señorita

"So, are you seeing anyone?" I asked her.

"Yes," Fran replied. "And he's married."

"Hey hun, kamusta?" I asked.

"I'm okay. Eto, drinking on a Tuesday night," Fran said. She laughed, and it was bitter. The type that cuts you up like tiny blades, hard and dry. Fran had just broken up with her boyfriend of two years, a man she had deeply loved. It was an agreeable decision but things are starting to get messy.

"Wow … someone's starting the weekend early," I quipped. "You okay?" I sighed.

"Not really." She paused. "Inis ako hun. He told me he was going to be out of town last weekend but he got back pala Saturday. Nakita ko lang kasi na tag siya sa isang photo."

"So I texted him 'I didn't know you were back'." And he replied, "Oh, I didn’t know you wanted to be informed."

"I said, 'I didn’t know you didn't want me informed.' And that was it."

"Naiinis talaga ako hun," Fran repeated. "He's cutting me off. Fuck. That's what I do. I cut people off. But this time, I'm on the receiving end. I thought he was better than this."

"I'm sorry honey," I said, trying to console her. "I guess it sucks when people disappoint us. Nakakainis no?"

"Are you sad that it ended, or how it ended?" I asked.

"I'm sad it ended. But I'm not sad how it ended. I'm angry at how it ended."

I laughed. "I can just imagine how you feel. It must have been like a complete shock. Like Pearl Harbor. You were caught in a stealth attack!"

"Bravo! Round one goes to him," I said. "I'm excited what happens in the next round. What if he becomes sweety sweety uli?"

"Ayy naku," Fran said. "I won't be caught off-guard again. This time, my defenses are up."

"Hahahaha. We'll see honey whether those walls will hold."

That night, I got to thinking. Is it our fault that we let our walls down and let people in? Was all the joy we experienced worth all the pain once a relationship ends? Is there really an un-messy break up?

Earlier this month, Carlo and I were giggling talking about the love month and all the excitement it brings. But February is ending. This morning, I woke up and felt it. It's the season between the seasons. It's no longer cold but neither is it blistering hot. I call it the in-betweens. It makes me feel incredibly nostalgic and a wee bit sad, like something's slipping away and you try to hold on to it. But you can't.

Seasons come, and then they go. That's just the way it is. Just … the way it is.


Anonymous said...

when i read this last night (you know where), fran came to mind.

i miss her.

-the geek

Joe Pereira said...

Yes Kane, both seasons and loved ones come and go...and there's nothing one can do about it. Sad

red the mod said...

But everything's temporary. That is just the nature of things. The curious thing about memory is it is completely emotionally-driven. We choose what we want to dwell on - the pain, or the pleasures.

Hey! Let's have coffee soon.

Guyrony said...

When you became quiet, for an odd reason I felt something was off.

Instinctively, it was true.

I remembered you at the party, happy but not quite, like something's amiss.

Him. You miss him.

But it was a mutual decision nevertheless.

rudeboy said...

I might be missing something here.

If they'd already called it quits, she had no business wanting to know his whereabouts. Nor grousing about his curt response.

Unless, of course, long and messy breakups are their schtick.

Whenever possible, cut, and cut clean.

♥N said...

Sometimes we are thankful when things end. Like when a winter season is too long, we are thankful when Spring finally appears. Or when a relationship that had gone sour ends, we appreciate not being in it anymore. But I agree that the in-betweens can be difficult, especially when it's after the end of something that we never wanted to let go.