Monday, January 31, 2011

Gossip Girl: Mi Querida Señorita

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It's a cold New Year, Upper East Siders. Time to donate your last year's wardrobe to the help and to present the world with a better version of you.

Which could mean facing your future... and forgetting past mistakes. Or finally settling on a brand new path. But a new year doesn't wipe away old problems. While others just create new ones.

Spotted: Kane warming himself up by rekindling old friendships.

 
 
I invited some of my closest friends to a small get-together at home last Saturday.
 
 
 
Madame et Messieurs,

See you all at around 11:30 p.m. I have brought out the glasses and prepared carefully selected handpicked bottles of wine for our pleasure. I expect you to be in your usual coutured selves. I will take a nap to refresh myself.

Bisous bisous,
Kane

 
 
Fran was among the first to arrive. It was the first time we saw each other in months and I missed her. After the usual how are you's and small chitchat, she delivered the first bomb of the night.

"So, are you seeing anyone?" I asked her.

"Yes," she replied. "And he's married."

"Oh."

"With kids?" I continued.

"Yes hun. The whole package."

"Ohh."

"Do you love him?" I asked.

"I do hun," she said. And by the way she said it, I knew she did.

"Ohhh."

"Do you feel guilty?" I was curious and I wanted to know.
 
"Oh yes. All the time honey," Fran said. "I feel guilty all the time. In the morning when I wake up, at night before I sleep, I feel guilty. But that doesn't stop me from having sex with him. Again. And again. And again."



By the time a woman makes a resolute decision to be a querida, she goes through a psychological war with herself. She will only accept the role for four reasons.

1) She loves the man.

2) She loves the man and hopes that he will eventually divorce his wife and marry her.

3) The man gives her financial security.

4) Being his mistress elevates her social status.


 
"Oh Fran. Hay. Being a mistress can be lonely. You know he is never yours completely, and no matter who you tell the story to, you are always the villain."
 
"I know. You know what my sister told me when she found out?"

"What?"

"She said she hopes I'll never get married."

"Ouch. That must hurt," I said.

"You know honey, I have been through all possible forms and permutations of adultery. I have cheated on, cheated with, and been cheated on and God… all of those sucked!!! It was so stressful."

"I don't know. It's just that at this point in my life, I will not allow myself to be in certain situations anymore. At least those that are within my control," I explained. "There is a vision of myself that I want to become. I want to be the best possible version of Kane there is. And being a mistress, for example, just isn't one of them."

"God honey, if only I can be that way," Fran replied. "Unlike you, I know it's wrong but the path isn't clear. It's always a push - pull tension within me and sometimes I envy people like you, people who automatically choose the right thing."

"It didn't come overnight. I guess I took every single life experience that I had and milked them for whatever lessons they can teach me."

"Oh Fran, remember what we used to say? We may be the biggest sluts in town, but we have boundaries. We aren't home wreckers. Or at least we used to be not."

 
 
In the New Year, we resolve to do things we've only dreamed of doing. And not to do other things ever again.
 
We make our own fortunes. And then call them fate. And what better excuse to choose a path than to insist it's our destiny. Some will pursue their decisions. No matter who gets hurt. But at the end of the day, we all have to live with our choices.


 XOXO
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16 comments:

orally said...

it's either we play it safe or live the life our heart desires.and i am inclined to follow the latter.

funny during my recent trip to my hometown a cousin/friend who I suspect to be a lesbian blurted (while we were talking about being single)choices O, it is all about choices.

kaloy said...

yes, its never really about choosing the right thing (who's to say its right anyway?)... its whether or not you can stomach your choices. we can only hope that in the end, our choices are not too self-serving and that we at least respect the reality of other people in choosing...

R. Burnett Baker said...

And sometimes it's about living with the hurt we inflict upon our own sense of selfishness, and regrets that come running after...

Thought provoking story... discovered your blog through Arian.

Cheers..
Rick

Eternal Wanderer... said...

amen@kaloy

Peter said...

Can I check with you five years on?

Momel said...

You guys call each other "Honey" offline? Seriously?

And as far as your other concern goes, allow me to say this, and I say this on a spiritual note -- Mistresses suck. What good grace is there in being a home wrecker?

Querida. Hah! You just gave me an idea, Kane!

Muahness from Pasig Citehh!

Spiral Prince said...

Queridas. >:|

Kiks said...

been there, been that.

some of us secretly admit that we did step into them querida shoes on time, whether wittingly or not.

and as what the greatest filipina drag queen la chiquitta has said: we are whom we attract (and stick with.)

Yas Jayson said...

You are so my quotable for the year so far.

Anonymous said...

i love how it sounds when she (gossip girl) says this Bisous bisous...

i wonder, how will it sound when dear kane whispers this...

-geek

Anonymous said...

When love crosses certain boundaries, it paints an ugly picture of a beautiful thing.

GR

Raft3r said...

everything can be justified basta't in love ang isang tao
(hehe)

♥N said...

And sometimes, we just do not have a choice, and we are forced to go down a path that we do not want to go.

engel said...

what is it with being the other man/woman? uso na ba siya ngayon?

i just found out my friend's also a mistress.

Gaspard said...

tell Fran I know how she feels...every bit of it...send my hugs to her :D

Pat said...

Easy to say I know but - do unto others...