Friday, February 04, 2011

Much “I Do” About Nothing


Trajan recently broke up with his boyfriend and we were all worried about him. Everyone around the table was asking him how he was. I observed how strangely calm he seemed.

"Okay na ako (I'm okay)," he said in response to all our questions. "Bago lang naman kami so madali mag move on. Ano ba kayo. Marami pa dyan (We were just starting so it's easy to move on. Come on, there's a lot more guys out there)."

Wow, I thought to myself. How can there be people like that?

Arlan leaned towards me and whispered "Alam mo, minsan hindi ko maintindihan bakit ganoon ang ibang tao. Parang ang dali-dali lang ng break-up sa kanila. Diba hindi dapat?"

(You know, I don't understand how some people can be that way. Break-ups just seem so easy for them. It's not supposed to be easy, right?)

"I know honey," I said. "I guess it's because when we do get a boyfriend, it really means something. Look at us, we've been single for so long and we've had very few relationships."

Sometimes I envy my friends who can jump in and out of relationships quickly, seemingly without being scarred, without losing parts of themselves. Every break-up, every single failed relationship that I had felt like a small death. I gave myself completely to each one of my lovers.

My ex once asked me why is it so hard for me to accept that our relationship was over.

"You and I meant the world to each other once. Or at least, you did to me," I told him. "I just can't be okay that easily."

The ability to move on and heal quickly is something we all desire. But as Sting would say, my heart is not shaped that way.

The conversation shifted and V started telling us about a guy he likes when I suddenly interrupted him.

"Honey, you did receive the first royal decree of the year, right?" I asked.

"No. What is it?" he replied, laughing. We were up to our old antics.

"It says 'Walang mag bo boyfriend sa atin this year (We aren't allowed to have boyfriends this year)'," I said.

"Honey!!! Nooooo," V said. "You can't doom us to another year of being single. Why not?"

"It's my last year in Manila and I'm sure you'd rather spend it with your best friend than with some boy you'd likely break up with anyway."

"But honeyyyyyyyyy… I like him."

I turned my head and looked at V.

"You can like him next year."


the geek said...

break ups are indeed, la petite mort.

the geek said...

and i mean it not as a metaphor, but literally.


Mu[g]en said...

Trust me, beneath the toughness is a crushed heart.

Or he might be so calloused, it doesn't matter whether one comes or not. :)

Eternal Wanderer... said...

Geek: for a moment there, you got me scratching my head. what's orgasmic about breaking up? :P

Peter said...

If this took place before Feb 3, then a new year just dawned. Chinese.

engel said...

maybe he's cried it all out already.

london boy said...

last year in manila?

where are you going?

haven't seen you for a while ha.

Nimmy said...

hahaha! panalo ung you can like him next year! hahahaha.

Ako si Diosa said...

I envy those people who can easily move on from a break-up. I hope I have that kind of heart.One that can easily get along.

Madame DeFarge said...

I never could break up well. Always a big tragedy queen, me. The whole hankies and wailing bit. Never could move on. Used to take me ages. I tried hard to get over them through inappropriate and brief liaisons, but that never worked either. Had some fun though....

R. Burnett Baker said...

Ummm.... I'd venture to say that he's the one (type) the rest of us give our hearts to and later end up writing sappy, sad, unrequited love poems about.

Then we're the ones called drama queens, crying in our beer, and eating at fancy restaurants alone. "Bitter, party of one...."


Ayie =) said...

I've only experience breakup twice, with the same guy whose my first boyfriend (second BF ko si asawa).

True, it kills us a little. Break us a little. Parang yung nabasa ko sa book, "like an old wound under the plaster".

Siguro, hindi ganun yung lakas ng impact sa friend mo kasi wala naman syang itinanim na pag binunot, saka nya mararamdaman yung kawalan.

Masaya siguro yung ganun minsan, pero hanggang kailan? =)

Ai shala! ganyan talaga ang life =D

Ayie =) said...

Came back to say sorry, ngayon ko lang naiadd ang blog mo. Kse naman, naitumba ko na ang IT namin. hahahah!