Piss Off

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Previously:
Gossip Girl: Bed Aftermath Part 1
They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but I think three letters are enough to adequately describe this photo. 



"Honey, I read your blog," Arlan said. "Alam mo ba, may haters ka? Nakakaloka!"

"Actually, it's not me they hate," I quipped. "It's you. They hate you and Gino. Ang maldita mo kasi."

"Gaga. Ikaw ang maldita," A said. "I was saying sorry to you last night for being late. Ano sabi mo? 'Isang pitcher!' Sabay irap."

"Ako naman, bili agad ng Kamikaze!" he said laughing.

"Oh my God! I'm so sorry honey! I didn't mean it."

"Of course you did. Kilala kita. (I know you.) When someone pisses you off, they have to make it up to you."

"Ahahahaah fucker ka. Pero nasobrahan ata ako. I did something ..." I said and stopped.

"What?"

"I can't say it. Nakakahiyaaaaaa. (It's too ... uhm, embarrassing.)"

"Arte. Ano na nga?"




Earlier that day, I woke up with a massive headache. Groan. Fucker. I was still trying to recall the sequence of events last night. There was a birthday party, then we went back home, then we went to the club.to meet other friends. It was quite a night; lots of dancing, booze, and men.

My senses were starting to slowly revive when I suddenly smelled something. My room smelled a little ... funny. I suddenly realized I had guests and I frantically tried to trace the scent before everybody else wakes up.

I finally tracked it down to ... hmmmm, my laundry basket? The scent was disgusting. I still couldn't figure out what it was until finally I reached in and realized it was ... urine. Oh my God! I was horrified. It can't be. Did I actually piss on my clothes?






Apparently, I did. In the middle of my drunker stupor. My shirts, jeans, polos, underwear, shorts ... all of it was drenched in my vodka-, tequila-, cranberry-, soda-, juice-, and wine-flavored piss. My poor, sodden clothes. It smelled ... horrific.

Years from now, when we are old and grey and my friends and I would reminisce about the good old days, when we were young, beautiful and ... drunkards, we'd probably be talking about all the times I got fucking wasted.

"Do you remember when you passed out in Bed?"

"Or the time you were puking in Bed?"

"Or, outside Bed?"

"In the middle of Malate?"

"In Republiq?"

"In Distillery?"

"Or when you were too wasted you actually went home with that guy????"

The list goes on. And on ... and on ... and on ...



I once said a man has got to choose his vices; and I ... I've chosen mine. Men and liquor. But I did promise myself to never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever drink too much ever again.

But then again, you and I both know me. Until the next party.
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Gossip Girl: The Inglourious Basterds

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Previously:
Farewell, My Concubine

"Although he rarely spoke of his failed relationship, I knew it was always in his thoughts, in the way his eyes would cloud over, in the way he would hug me tightly with his eyes closed at night. I knew those were not for me, but for a ghost in some distant past."

A Decade After (I)

"Honey… I kissed someone. And it was electrifying. That one kiss… changed me."

 

Gossip Girl: The Games We Play (III) 

"Yeah. Kung gusto mo (If you want), we can have a threesome."

The Truth About Travis 

"Travis is dead, the message read."

Summer is coming to a close. And as everyone knows, our favorite girl has taken quite a beating this season. With his mood down low, this once bright star is turning into a fading star. The only question is: do we dare say Kane's heydays are officially over or will l'enfant terrible resurrect and prove everyone wrong?

Carlo, Chris, and Gino and I were having dinner to catch up over the weekend. Over a mountainous serving of grilled mussels, squid, fish and shrimps, we chatted about the recent events in our lives. Chris has a new job and new boys, Gino's birthday was coming up, Carlo was moving to a new company. All in all, everyone seemed to be doing pretty well. Everyone ... except me, of course.

"Sabi ko na nga ba. (I knew it.) I smelled something fishy," Gino said. "Ang dami pala ninyong nilalandi niya, hindi mo alam. (He was flirting with a lot of guys and you didn't know.)"

"Hayaan mo na. Forget it. It's in the past now."

"Ikaw kasi, nagpapaniwala ka agad-agad. (You believed in him too easily.)"

"I know, I know. Tama na nga eh. (Enough.)"

It's all in the past. But the past has a funny way of sneaking up on you just when you least expect it. You never know what could trigger a memory. A shared joke, the color blue.

After supper, they decided (against my protestations) to crash at my place for drinks before going out after.

"Hay. Sige na. Kayo na lang. (You guys go.) I'm not really in the mood to go out," I said, gulping a shot of vodka laced with pineapple and cranberry juice.

"Hay naku, K! Ano ba yan, I mean, don't tell me you'll stay home and mope? Where's the girl I used to know?" Carlo said. "Besides, I want you to meet my new guy."

"Again?????" I exclaimed. "Weren't you just sad and heartbroken a month ago?"

"Hahaha. I was … I really was," C said. "I really did care for Louis. But what is it that we always say: you can only be sad for too long. Now take a shower and put on a nice shirt!"

At the club, Carlo introduced me to Brad, the guy he's sort of seeing. He was exactly how C described him: boyish with a smile that stretched from ear to ear.

"OMG! He is cute!" I whispered to Carlo. "I always knew you had great taste in men."

"Hahaha. Of course. You taught me well," he said, laughing. "Besides, you gave your stamp of approval the first time you saw him. But you were drunk, so you forgot. But you told me then: go!"

Carlo and Brad were dancing together, smiling laughing under the spray of red and green lights. Every now and then, I'd see a guy approach Brad and introduce himself. Apparently, he was the latest "It-Boy". I had to give it to my friend. Bravo.

We were all dancing and drinking. "I wanna dance … in love … and dance again …" The song played and Chris and I hugged each other and swayed and smiled as the alcohol slowly took hold of our senses. I was starting to have fun, to lose myself in the music.

Gino came towards me, and suddenly, he popped a question. "Ano … puede ba tayong mag-uwi ng lalaki? (So ... Can we bring home a guy?)"

I stopped dancing and stood very still. Gino was grinning, teasing me, using all his charm to get me to agree. I thought over the question carefully. I knew my answer would forever define our friendship and its boundaries; who we are to each other and the things we could do together.

If I said yes, a whole world of dirty, raunchy, meaningless, mind blowing, nerve wracking, fuckfest would open up to me. Together, Gino and I could persuade a plethora of men to have sex with us. A guy we fucked with once said: it's like the best of both worlds, you get the hot muscular guy and the pretty boy.

But ... if I said no, I also knew Gino would never ask me that question again. It was now ... or never.

"Sige na! (Come on!)" Gino repeated, cajoling me.

I looked him in the eye as I pondered the implications of my decision. "Sige (Okay)," I slowly said. I haven't had sex for a while, and the alcohol, sweat, and smoke made me want to fuck. I wanted in.

His face lit up. "Sige, diyan ka lang. Ako ng bahala. Sino ang gusto mo? (Don't worry. I'll take care of everything. Who do you want?)" I scanned the room and spotted a guy. That one, I pointed.

Uh oh, guess which band of brothers is back in business boys. Is this the reunion we've all been waiting for? Watch out Upper Eastsiders. Now that K and G are back together, it looks like three just became our favorite number.

The next day, Gino and I decided to hit the gym before he goes home. We were talking and laughing, recapping the events of the previous night.

"Ano ... gusto mo ba, may i meet pa tayong isa? (So, do you want to meet up with another guy)?" he suddenly asked. "Out of 87 messages sa (in) PlanetRomeo kanina (earlier), siya lang ang okay. (He's the only one who's okay.)"

"Ha? (What?) It's Sunday. Ano ka ba. Time for rest and reflection."

"Anong rest and reflectiong pinagsasabi mo diyan, Ano? (What are you talking about: rest and reflection shit. So what? Game?)"

"Ayoko. Pagod ako at malungkot. (I don't want to. I'm tired and I'm sad.) Besides, does he know how I look like?" I asked. 

"Ano ba ... Naayos ko na. Okay sa kanya at gusto na niyang pumunta ngayon. (I've already arranged everything. He's seen it and he wants to meet up now.)" Gino said. "Sige na ... Halika, papakita ko sa iyo photos niya. (Come, I'll show you his photos.)"  

 

"Gino, ano ba ... ayoko nga (Come on, I really am not in the mood)," I protested as he dragged me to the computer. "Pagod ako. Ayoko. Ayoko. A ... YO ... (I'm tired. I don't want to. I said I don't want to. I ... DON'T ... WANT... )"

And then suddenly the guy's photo popped out. I paused and my sentence was left hanging in mid-air.

"Puedeeee," I said out loud. "Oh my God. He's so cute. Tara na! (Let's go!)"

Gino was laughing so hard. "Tignan mo ito, ang daming arte. Gusto naman. (See? Told you.)"

Lloyd was lean, and cute and oh so adventurous. After all the contortions and exertions, we were all thoroughly exhausted. Magaling. Mahusay.Game na game.

He cuddled up beside me and hugged me. "You okay?" I asked him. "You want water, juice, anything?"

He shook his head. "Nagka girl friend ka ba?" I asked him.

"Oo (Yep)," he said. "Pero kasi, pagbabae gusto relasyon agad (But the thing is, girls always want a relationship.)

"Hahaha,. So ang gusto mo sex lang?" I asked.

"Sa ngayon. Mas hindi kasi komplikado, mas hindi hassle (For now. It's less complicated, less of a hassle.)"

"Yan ang gusto ko sa iyo eh. Madaling kausap (That's what I like about you. No hassle)," I teased him.

After everyone left, I took a shower and started preparing myself for bed So another week is ending. It had been fun, but somehow I couldn't shake off the familiar melancholia descending over me. "When will I see you again … You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said ..." Adele was crooning in the background and I was starting to feel a little sad and lonely.

I couldn't sleep so I opened a book of poems given to me by a friend.

Oh, gallant was the first love, and glittering and fine;
The second love was water, in a clear white cup;
The third love was his, and the fourth was mine;
And after that, I get them all mixed up.

Oh God, this is good. I snuggled into my pillows, wanting to kiss the book. I read another poem.

Four be the things I am wiser to know:
Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.

Four be the things I’d been better without:
Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.

Three be the things I shall never attain:
Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.

Three be the things I shall have till I die:
Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye.

Oh God, this is really good. I stood up and opened a bottle of wine and poured myself a glass of Chardonnay. I sipped it and it was fruity and light, and the taste stayed on my tongue as I continued reading. The loveliness of the poems, the solitude of the night made me remember Mr. Big. He was one of the very few people who truly understood me and made me feel safe. All of a sudden, I wanted to talk to him.

"Neil," I said when he picked up the phone.

"Kane?" he said. "Kamusta ka?"

"Hay Neil." I missed him, the sound of his voice and the way it echoed in my soul.

"Why, what happened?" It must have been the sigh, or my slurry speech or the way I said his name.

"It's a long story," I said.

"I've got time."



After the tale ended, I asked him how he was. "I'm tired too," he said.

"Oh. I'm surprised to hear that. I thought you were having the time of your life," I responded. His photos and updates in Facebook showed he was happy with his boyfriend and he had told me they were going to live together soon.

"A wise woman once told me: we need to go to as far as where our pain will take us. Does that make sense?" I continued.

"I want to meet that wise woman. Kane, I am happy. But I never learn, Again I find myself rebuilding my life around this one person. As an architect, I should know better than to build my structure on one foundation," Neil narrated. "I'm worried. Scared that I'll go through something more painful than my divorce."

Wow, he really is serious with his boyfriend. I was tipsy and his words floated in my head like dancing ghosts. "happy". ... "rebuilding my life" ... "structure" ... "divorce" ... What do these words mean? For a moment, I felt a tiny pang of ... was it jealousy that he loved somebody else? Or envy that he has someone and I have no one. Who knows. Sometimes our emotions can be tricky to understand. Why do we feel the things we feel?

"Anyway, ikaw kasi. You trust too easily," he said. "You take care of yourself. Sometimes, I think you're too nice."

Too nice. Is there such a thing? Is there a point where you become too nice and people start making a fool out of you, I wondered. Sigh. All these questions and no answers. I've always thought people ought to be nice to each other, to trust rather than distrust, to treat each other with respect and dignity. Maybe I'm too old-fashioned.

Neil and I went on chatting until I felt my eyes starting to close. "Neil, I'm sleeping na ha. I'm happy we got to talk a little."

"Hey. You'll be fine," I said, trying to comfort him. "Remember, you always have me, whatever happens."

"Good night K. And you ... me," Mr. Big said. I know Neil, I know. Maybe it was the wine, or maybe what Neil said, maybe it was the hot sex, or the beautiful poems but that night, I slept soundly for the first time in a long time.






I cut my hair the next day. Short hair is more commercial, more sell-able. And I ... I wanted to be sold. As the locks of hair started to fall, I felt like all the heroines in all the books and films I've seen. I'm Romeo's Juliet, I'm Dante's Beatrice. I'm Serena and Blair, I'm the Devil Wearing Prada.

The last strand of hair dropped to the floor. I slowly stood up and looked at myself in the mirror. From now on, no more Mr. Nice Guy.






They say a death marks one of the largest transitions there is in life. It is an end and a new beginning, another step in our evolution. But evolving is a tricky thing. You can't change without changing the world around you.

And not everyone might see your transformation the same way you do. But if you can make it through and truly be reborn, then maybe so can I. 

So beginning today, the past is just a prologue. It all starts from here.






XOXO

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Gossip Girl: Disco Inferno

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Previously on Gossip Girl:
Crazy Cupid Love

"So ... what's your birthday wish honey? You happy?" I asked.

 "I am, I  am. It's been a great year,  and I'm happy you guys are with me. But ... sana makahanap na tayo ng someone to spend our lives with," he replied wistfully.

"Sana nga. Hay ... sige na nga, kahit mauna ka na!" I said and hugged him. 

Summer, Kind of Wonderful

Summer Tips

Sorry for the silent treatment Gossips. I know it's been almost a month and some of you may have wondered where I've been, but I'm here now to officially welcome you to the start of what promises to be a sizzling summer. 

As the sweltering heat slowly engulfs the city, stirring hidden passions and desires long frozen by winter's cold embrace, there's really only one thing we can do. 

Fight fire with fire.

 "You owe us dinner!" Vackie told me the next day. "I can't believe it. Kainis ka. (I hate you.) You left us for some guy!"

"I'm sooooo sorrrrrrry honeeeeey. I swear, wala na akong nagawa. I was drunk and hinila hila na lang niya ako," I tried to explain, mustering up the courage to apologize for suddenly disappearing the previous night.

"Unfortunately for you K, there are witnesses. We saw you. And in fact, ikaw ang humila hila sa kanya!" V said accusingly.

"Ahhhhh," I fumbled and started to laugh. "Talaga? Hahaha. Well ... fine. You caught me. I must say though ... it was worth it. Ang sarrapppp ng sex honey! Plus, it was my second time to try a motel."

"Oh my God! Motel girl ka na?

"He insisted kasi and I played along na lang. Whew. He's got the moves like Jagger. And I watched us in the mirror … it is kind of hot pala no?"

My memory was a blur of bottles of vodka, dazzling crimson lights and my friends and I wildly dancing as Calvin Harris played his epic "Feel So Close".

24 hours earlier

"Gentlemen, I've got five tickets to Calvin's concert tonight. Are we going … or are we going?" I announced.

"OMG!!!" Carlo squealed. "How did you get them? They're so expensive kaya! But wait, we have work tomorrow!"

"I know, and that's why we're all coming down with the flu. I mean, you are looking a little pale," I said teasingly.

"Well ... I do feel a little hot," Carlo said playing along. "Hahaha. Fine! So who gave you the tickets? Did you have to sleep with someone?"

"As a matter of fact, no," I replied disdainfully. "I don't do those things you know. Let's just say … I was very persuasive."

That night was one of the best my friends and I ever had. The music, the lights, the alcohol, the energy of the crowd ... it was enough to make you feel like you would live forever. This ... just like this.

"The guy I met, his name is Randy," I narrated. "He's actually not from here. He works in the Middle East and is just in town for a vacation. Honey ... he has a girlfriend."

"Ohh," V said.

"And a boyfriend."

"Ooohhhh."

"Sigh. What does that make me?" I asked.

"Errrr ... Manila's world famous tourist stop?" he answered and we burst out laughing. "You're like the Tour Eiffel. Or the Parthenon. Certainly not to be missed."

"Gaga ka talaga!" I said. "But seriously, grabe no? Some guys just want to have it all! Di na makuntento. May girlfriend na, may boyfriend pa, gusto pang kumantot ng iba! WTF!"

"Well ... boys will be boys, as we always say," V said.






"Actually may girlfriend ako," Randy confided while we were eating longsilog and pancakes for breakfast. We were both worn out from the lack of rest and our exertions.

"Ahhhh ... nasan siya?" I asked.

"Parating siya in a couple of weeks," he said.

"Hindi ka ba nagu guilty?" I asked him.

"Actually, ang gusto ko lang naman bigyan niya ako ng anak then kahit iwan nya ako, bahala siya."

Wow,  I thought to myself. I may not know this guy very well but that seemed mighty unfair to me.

"May boyfriend rin ako," Randy continued. "Pero hindi na kami nag se sex."

"O? Bakit?"

He was silent  for awhile, pondering his next thoughts. "Eh kasi, baklang bakla na siya."

"Minsan sasayaw sayaw siya sa harap ko," he continued demonstrating the dance. "Nandidiri ako pero kunwari natutuwa na lang ako. Siyempre ayoko rin siya masaktan."

I heaved a big sigh in my head. I was suddenly saddened by his story. I thought of Randy's boyfriend, who probably loves him, who thought he could be himself around his lover, because that's what they're supposed to do right? Accept us for who we are. No, make that love us for who we are.

I thought of Randy, who pretends to like his boyfriend's effeminate side even though he's quietly disgusted by it. Because he loves him and doesn't want to hurt him. So he pretends. I thought of his girlfriend who probably has no idea that her boyfriend is gay. All these deceptions and lies so as not to reveal who we really are, what we really want. There's a certain Shakespearean tragedy in it.

I kept all of this in my head, as I continued to quietly listen to his stories. Can I really blame him? We've all been there.






"So ... while you and Carlo were busy hooking up with random strangers, I actually met someone," Vackie said and paused. He seemed very excited.

"But you always meet someone," I replied, teasing him.

"No. This one's different," he tried to explain.

"But they always seem different, don't they?" I prodded. "At the start, at least. Until you get to know them."

"Basta. I am going to see him again tonight," V said. "I am leaving your town Whoreville behind, while you're still the mayor!"

"Hahaha. Gaga! Tingnan natin. Just don't come crawling back, begging to be let back in if things fizzle out!" I warned. "But seriously,  wow.  An actual date?"

"Yes. An actual date with no sex involved? How rare is that?'

"Hahaha. Hayyy ... buti ka pa."

Long after the clubs have closed, disco inferno rages on. For some, it's burning desire that keeps them going on at night.

"And you? What are your plans tonight?" V asked.

"Well ... I am meeting a guy."

"Again? Pang ilan mo na yan this week?" he said.

"My sixth. I know, I know. What can I do? This heat ... it's burning me up."

For others, it's the flame of uncertainty that plagues them.

"Hay honey, I hope this guy turns out to be nice. I've had so many hits and misses in the past years. Ayoko na!!!!!" Vackie said.

"Well, we'll never know right? Who knows? You just might get your birthday wish. Maybe he's the prince who won't turn back into a frog, unlike so many others," I said. We were laughing but deep down, I uttered a prayer to whatever gods there may be to give my friend some luck. We can all use some.

But whatever the new season brings, it's best to be prepared. Because the start of summer isn't the end of me. And whether they're sweating it out on the sultry sidewalks of Manila or cooling their heels in Barbados, no one does summer like our Upper Eastsiders.

Grab your shades and sunblock. This one looks like a scorcher. Until then, my lovely friends, you know you love me.






XOXO
-

Gossip Girl: Encantadia and the Upper East

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Previously: Meet The Cast



Morning sleepyheads. Brrrr … it's cold outside. Lucky for you, I've got something to warm you up. Are you ready for the latest piece of gossip?

Spotted: An Upper Eastsider … and an Encanto? 

Now even I did not see that coming. Who would have thought an Encanto would fancy one of our girls. But then again, this isn't the first time it happened. Nor the second. Bet you didn't know that.

Let's hope this Encanto lives up to the name and proves himself a delight. Now, as for who they are  ... or what they did, that's something I'll never tell.

XOXO-

Gossip Girl: It-Girl Happened One Night

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Bonsoir, Upper East Siders. Did you enjoy Thanksgiving as much as I did? I know one person who didn't.

After three weekends out of Manila, I was dying to see my friends to catch up and party.

"Hey! I miss you. I'm back. Are you going out this weekend?" I said to E. "Sige na. (Come on.) I'll be out of town again next weekend."

"Nasa Icon kami bukas. Birthday kasi of a friend (We'll be in Icon tomorrow. It's a friend's birthday)," E replied.

"Oh."

"Try naming humabol? (We'll try to catch up?)," E offered.

"Fine. Fine. Just so you remember, honey, I am not a stopover along the way. I'm a destination!" I said and we both giggled.

"Are you bringing your boyfriend?" I asked. E and his lover have an open relationship that allowed them to explore certain possibilities.

"Yep, I'll be with Arcee."

"See yah."

E and his boyfriend Arcee arrived a little past three in the morning. E was a little drunk then, everyone was, and we were all having a great time.

Arcee and I danced together. He had always been quiet; a rather shy and timid young man who would be content to sit at a corner and watch the party. 

I found him attractive the first time I met him and we would flirt playfully with each other. But tonight he seemed different. I wasn't sure if it was the white shirt that showed off his lean body and made him more masculine or the alcohol that made him more aggressive, but I could feel something was in the air.

My hand was around his waist and our crotches were bumping into each other. We were flirting, being coy with each other while the whole world was watching. I was having fun but I wanted to make the night more interesting.

"Ang saya tonight no?" I said. "Do you wana make it more exciting?"

He nodded.

"I dare you to ask your boyfriend if you can make out with one of his best friends."

Spotlight on little A. Now put to the test by one Queen Bee. Will Arcee take the bait and go from Brady to Britney? Or will his goody-two-shoes mindset turn into the night's biggest buzz kill?

Arcee looked at me, smiled, and left without a word. When he came back, he whispered "Done", and we locked lips. His mouth was forceful, insistent. The kiss left me breathless, giddy. I looked at him and saw him in a new light.

That night, Arcee kissed me, Gino, Chris, and several other cute guys in the club. We were all stunned as he flitted from men to men with a grace that belied his beauty.

Dawn was breaking. Pople were starting to leave as the party ended. I approached Arcee.

"Hey, do you wanna go home with us?" I asked.

"Actually, I am going home," he replied. "With my boyfriend." He nodded to the direction of E who was busy flirting with another guy. Ooohhh, a flat out rejection.

He was about to go, but he suddenly turned back.

"Maybe next time?" he said with a crooked grin.

I smiled back. "Done … and done."

Spotted: An it-girl being born. Word is Arcee killed the spotlight out of everyone and stole it for himself. It was a debut the likes of which hasn't been seen since the time of … well, Kane, himself.

Looks like our girls have to watch their backs. But don't worry K, the brightest stars burn out the fastest. Or at least, that's what I've heard.

Waiting for a star to fall.

 

XOXO

-

A Wedding and a Funeral

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I. Here Comes The Bride

My sister was getting married. Shobe, as I fondly call her, was marrying Junie, her boyfriend of nine years. Armed with a Barong Tagalong and accompanied with seven of my closest friends, I flew to Davao to attend the wedding. I had been preparing myself for this.

"OMG!! Bakit ang dami ninyo? (Why are there so many of you?)" my sister Honeylet asked me.

"Bakit? (Why?) I need my own entourage. Akala mo ikaw lang?" I replied.

"Hahaha. Gaga ka talaga. Baka matalo niyo pa ang entourage ko!" she said laughing.

"Humanda ka! (Be ready!)" I said.



A month ago, Carlo, Fran and I observed a wedding in the island of Boracay.

"How strange no," I said. "How weddings make you sentimental. Every time I witness two people getting married, it makes me want to get married as well. It makes you feel you're ready. All of a sudden, you become the relationship girl."

They both nodded, agreeing. We were all lost in our respective reveries while sipping mojitos at the hotel's bar.

"But then, when you're in the club and some cute guys are flirting with you, you suddenly think 'parang hindi pa ako ready' (or, maybe not)," I said and we burst out laughing.

"Exactly!" Carlo said. "That's my ultimate test. If I can give up all the fun of flirting for one guy."

"Oh God. It's just soooooo hardddd honey," I said and we laughed. We all know what I meant

She was the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, that was the first thought in my head when I saw her. Her face shone with a light that revealed the happiness she was feeling.

"Oh my God. Is that a Vera Wang?" my friends asked me when they saw her wedding gown.

"Yep. Love?" I replied. "But then again: what do you expect? She's that kind of girl. She deserves the best." 

The gown was my present for her. She chose it and I wanted her to have the wedding of her dreams.

The ceremony took place in a garden overlooking the sea. The sun was setting and the dying light cast a golden glow on everyone. Their vows were simple but true. My sister started with "I believe in the life we have..." I cried, of course.

I was asked to say something during the dinner.  "And now, we would hear the bride's brother speak," the host said.

That was my cue. I stood up, and walked to the center of the room. I was nervous. I had little time to prepare and only made notes in my head. I looked around and saw the happy faces of the bride and the groom, their friends and families. Oh how everybody glowed.

"For those who don't know who I am, I'm Honeylet's brother," I said, introducing myself. "I used to say she is my favorite sister in the whole wide world. She always answers by saying I really didn't have a choice."

The audience laughed. I saw my sister smile. It was our favorite joke.

"During the past year, I've seen my sister got so stressed planning for the wedding. It was really a roller coaster ride. And I wondered why people made such a fuss about weddings. And I realized it's because they want their weddings to be perfect.

I paused. "Because they want their marriages to be perfect."

"I used to have a friend," I continued. "Her husband left her after they've been married for almost 20 years. And she told me, 'Marriages can be so fragile pala talaga no?'"

"Relationships are fragile," I said.

Relationships are fragile. I've learned that myself. I thought of all the lovers I had and the promises we never kept. I thought of all the failed romances in the world and the odds that two people will love each other forever.

I brought back my focus to the wedding. "Sometimes, I can't help but be worried after seeing many couple divorce or end up unhappy. I mean ... she's my only sister."

"But then I realize I really don't have anything to worry. Because we have the best relationship heroes one can possibly have in this world," I said and stopped.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to give a toast to my Mom and Dad who I've seen have loved each other more and more as they grew older. They've taught us how to love our partners, how to care and nurture each other, how to be patient and understanding."

My parents were stunned. I knew they didn't expect that. But I wanted to give them credit for what they have achieved in their 30 years of marriage. Without knowing it, they have inspired me and made me wish I can have a love like that.

"They are my relationship heroes," I said. "And I'd like to think that a love like theirs can happen all the time."

"Shobe, Junie, masaya ako para sa inyo (I am happy for you both)," I continued. "It's a beautiful day and I am excited for the life you will have. Mahal ko kayo (I love you both) and I will always be here for you."

Hours later, my friends and my sister's friends have finally depleted the open bar of its entire contents. Everyone was laughing and smiling, and dancing and taking lots of photos.

The night was ending and I was tired but happy. I looked around and I saw how everyone was having such a great time. I went to the bar to scavenge for any last bit of alcohol and I saw my ex boyfriend Marvlitz there. He was my first boyfriend and we were together when I was still sharing a room with my sister during my college days.

"Kamusta? Having fun?" I asked him.

"Oo naman,. I'm really glad I came," he said. I drank the wine in my glass and finished it. We were both watching the crowd.

I turned to Marvlitz and hugged him.

"You know what, Marv, we may not have made it as lovers but I'm glad we we made it as really good friends," I said. He smiled and hugged me back.

"And I couldn't have had a better first boyfriend," I said. "I'm glad you're here to send our little girl off."

"Grabe no, kinasal na talaga si Honeylet samantalang dati tinuturuan ko lang siya sa mga assignments niya. (Can't believe Honeylet's really married. It wasn't so long ago I was just helping her with her homework.)"

"I know ... She's all grown up now, isn't she?" I said.

"She is. And you ... when are you going to get married?" Marv asked.

"Sigh ... I'll probably be an old maid," I replied and gave him a small smile.

"Well ... you'll always have me," he said and squeezed my shoulders.

They say weddings are one of a person's happiest moment. From what I have seen, I tend to think it's true. Whether it's a simple ceremony or a lavish one, at the end it's just two people promising to love each other forever.

"To have and to hold 

from this day forward, 

for better or worse, 

for richer or poorer, 

in sickness and in health, 

to love and to cherish, 

till death do us part"

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Gossip Girl: The Games We Play (IV)

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Previously:
The Games We Play (II)
The Way We Were


On the Upper East Side, the possibilities are endless. Dom or Krug. Winston or Cartier. Tory or Stella. John or Grindr Boy.

Eventually even the people with everything have to choose. But sometimes, you learn that the choice has already been made for you.

 
 
Dating, it seems, has never been this fun. There's always a new boy to add to the list; some new guy you met at a party or through a friend. Sometimes you feel you just might have it all.

Grindr Boy and I made plans to meet that night. I was excited to see him again and I planned my day so we can have the evening together. I checked the calendar and made sure I scheduled my appointments with other guys on other days so there would be no conflict.

A few minutes before we were supposed to meet, I texted him to ask where he was. He didn't reply. After a few more minutes, I called him but he didn't pick up. I was getting worried and puzzled. I called him several times more but it looked like I was getting stood up.

Oh well, I told myself. Just when you thought things were going well. Grindr Boy was nice enough but he had been acting strange. He would at times not respond to my calls and messages but I always attributed it to his busy schedule.



A few days later, Grindr Boy suddenly texted.

"I'm now officially taken :(," he said.

I was stunned. Officially taken? What does that mean? Was he unofficially taken before and it now became official?

Every now and then, I would ask Grindr Boy about the other guys he's dating and he always said he wasn't seeing anyone. And I believed him. My thoughts were still in a disarray so I composed myself before I sent my response.

"Wow, this is a surprise. I guess this is it," I said. "Masaya ako para sa iyo. (I am happy for you.) I mean, I know how wonderful it is to find love."

"Kane, I'm sorry if I lied," Grindr Boy said. "He's my boyfriend for three years now. I met you during the time we were having problems."

Woooohhh. The hell. I couldn't believe it. I had been duped all along. This sweet boy with the sweetest smile turned out to be a lying, scheming bastard.



Uh oh. Spotted: K learning that two can play this game. It looks like our star player …  just got played. Outwitted by a boy almost a decade younger than he is, tsk tsk. Talk about a coup de grace, ladies.

 
 
"I just got scared you might get mad and won't talk to me again. Masaya kasi ako (I'm happy) when we're together," Grindr Boy continued. "I hope we can still be friends."
 
I heaved a deep sigh. Of course I understand him. I suppose I should have known better.

"I accept your apology. I understand how complicated relationships can be," I said. "I guess it explains a lot of things. Three years is something, you know. You should be proud."

 
 
The next day …
 
"Were you really surprised?" Gino asked me, disbelievingly. "Couldn't you see the signs that he was hiding something?"

I shook my head. "You know what, maybe I trust people too easily. I guess I always expect people to be honest. Are we not ba?"

"Eh siyempre Kane. I mean, ikaw ba, do you always tell your boys everything?"

"Well, not everything I suppose. But I do tell them that I'm seeing other guys. That way, expectations are clear. And I've always done that. I don't want people feeling like I led them on."

Gino and I were both quiet for awhile. He knew I did like Grindr Boy.

"Well, there's still John," Gino pointed out.

"Oh, I stopped seeing him already. I guess it just wasn't working."

"Meron ka pa naman ibang boys. (Well, you still have other boys)," he said.

"Yeah, but they're really just for fun," I replied. "I actually thought Grindr Boy and I could have something more, you know."

"So much for the one huh," Gino said.

"Or the other one. Sigh. Sometimes, people can really be so disappointing. They say they're one thing but end up to be something else."
 

 
They say you reap what you sow. Instead of too many choices, you suddenly have none. Lonely Boy finally learns the truth, only to realize it's a little too late. That perhaps, the time for love has once again come and gone.



It was a Sunday night and I was trying to rest after a tiring weekend. My phone suddenly beeped. "Kamusta? (How are you?)" Albert asked.

I called him up. "Hey! What are you doing? Listen ... remember the date you promised."
 

But that's the thing with players.

"I was wondering when you're free to meet," I said.

They can never resist the game.

"Let me know if you can get away from your boyfriend."

And on the Upper East Side, only one thing is certain: let a new game begin.

XOXO
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Beauty and the Feast

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Humans have always been, and I think, will always be obsessed with physical beauty. No matter how many New Age philosophies extol the virtue of inner beauty, of strong character and steadfast values, the beautiful always lords over the rest of us when it comes to a very basic human need.

Sex.

One day, Gino and I were talking about the Grindr application and how groundbreaking it is in the way it allows people to connect.

"Why don't you try it?" I told him.

"Tingin mo ba may magkakagusto sa akin? (You think they'd like me?)" he asked.

"Well, there's only one way to find out."

 
 

Gino and I chose a photo and created his profile.

The response was overwhelming. Within minutes, a flood of messages poured in and he received more than a hundred texts in less than twelve hours. Half of them within the first four hours.

"OMG! Grabe, nakakaloka!" I said to my friends. "You guys should have seen it. Nagkandarapa ang mga bading!!! It was like there was a feast and everyone wanted a piece of him."

"Eh oo naman (But of course)," Arlan said. "Yung look talaga niya yan ang bebenta talaga. (He has the look that will really sell.) He's tall and very manly. He looks like the college basketball player you always wanted to fuck but never got to."

I nodded. Gino does have that look. He's very masculine, dark skinned, lean with abs. How could gay guys resist?

"I was surprised. You know we get messages from Grindr. But, not that many. And all those guys who ignored me before… wow, they were really after him," I said. "I guess hot guys really trump cute huh."

"Well, he's got the sex appeal," Carlo said. "I mean, most people who use Grindr are looking for a hook-up. It's a different case when you're in a club or at a party, where you see the guy in person, see how he carries himself, how he dresses up, how he speaks. It all adds up to his desirability."

We were all quiet.

"Talagang dinefend ang cute no? (I had to defend cute huh?)" Carlo said, and he started to laugh.

"Tama! Hahahaha. Napaka passionate nga ng pagdefend mo eh (Uh, we noticed. Hahahaha. And you were so passionate!)," I exclaimed. "But you gotta admit, he is such a perfect addition to our group. It's like we've got something for everyone."

My friends and I were laughing but I knew implicitly that even though no one said it, we were starting to realize that Gino may be more attractive than any of us.

I think in general, my friends and I consider ourselves fairly equal in the looks department. We tend to fall into the category of the boy-next-door type; hence the usual compliments we get are cute, nice, charming, pretty boy.

But never yummy, sexy, or hot.
 

 
 
 
Days later, I was telling a friend about Gino when she suddenly said …
 

"So, nainggit ka ba? (So, did you get envious?)"

I was about to say no, of course not. But I realized that something had been bothering me about the whole experiment. The truth is; I am envious. A little perhaps.

Don't get me wrong. I am not insecure, nor unhappy about who I am and how I look. I am fairly contented. But I do wonder at times: how does it feels like to be hot?

I guess I'll never know.
-

Gossip Girl: War of the Roses

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Previously on Gossip Girl:
Gossip Girl: Prêt-à-Poor A

"Well… if you really want to get even, then why look for someone else?" V said. "Don't you know… the best revenge is for you to sleep with his friend."

Click here to meet the characters.



Upper East Siders, ever wondered why we haven't heard anything about A? Word is the cold war between our favorite girls is now causing frost bites with each one marking his territory.

Kane has claimed Ortigas as his kingdom, while Arlan rules Malate with an iron fist. And if you happen to be caught on the wrong side at the wrong time … well, things might just get nasty.

 
 
Arlan and I last spoke to each other in May. He ignored all my calls and messages and vanished out of my life. My friendship with Vackie is also splintering. We no longer see each other often, no longer talk to each other every day like we used to.
 
It took me awhile to be okay. I suppose it's because these people are my best friends, and our relationships have lasted longer than those I had with my lovers. But no matter how strong our bonds; perhaps human relationships by nature are quite fragile.



Two weeks ago

My phone beeped in the middle of the night and woke me up. Messages after messages poured in. I checked the clock and saw it was four in the morning.

"So I'm in a club. A couple just began fighting because I was flirting with one of them but I didn't know he had a boyfriend."

The message was from A. I was groggy and re read the messages again. I was shocked to receive a message from him after all this time. And the way he spoke … why, it's as if nothing happened.

He continued sending messages which were no longer coherent, messages which contained words such as I miss you … and forever … and go with me …

It dawned on me that Arlan was drunk texting me. It was that time of the night, the witching hour. That moment when you're drunk and vulnerable and very prone to text an ex-boyfriend you're missing. Except this time, he was texting his ex-best friend.



A few days ago

"Honey, where are you?" Vackie asked me.

"Hey, kamusta? I'm on my way to Ortigas."

"I'm here in Bed. With Arlan. He was hoping you'll be here. He misses you … you know."

I didn't know what to say. My first initial reaction was: if he really misses me, why didn't he text me? And besides they didn't invite me to go with them, so let them enjoy each other's company. I don't need them.

I took a deep breath. I always want to be polite so I told V to have fun and I'll see him soon.



It was late when we arrived. Gino and I immediately got our drinks and mingled with our friends. I was having fun catching up with people when suddenly, I turned and …

"Honeeyyyy!!!" V shouted and hugged me.

"OMG. Why are you here?" I was taken aback. It was almost, what, 4:30 a.m.?

"Arlan and I went here all the way to see you," he said.

Oh. Okay. So A is here. What do I do?

"Hey ... kamusta?" A said as he approached me.

"I'm ... okay," I slowly answered.

"Can we talk?"



We went outside. I took out my phone. "What's that?" A asked.

"A message. I wrote it to you when you were gone. I never sent it.



Dear A,

My life's a mess now. My relationship with Big is strange; we haven't spoken in months. I don't even know whether we're still pushing through with our plan to meet in April.

I might migrate next year and I don't know whether I can get my company to move me. I don't know which state I'm moving to or what kind of life faces me there. Everything's just so uncertain.

You're gone. Vackie's acting weird. Where are you? Why won't you pick up my calls? Why won't you answer me?

You're supposed to be my best friend. I miss you so much.

Love,
K



I paused after reading it. I have saved the message in my draft folder. I never sent it; I never deleted it either. I don't know why, really.

"Why didn't you send it?" Arlan asked me. "I would have …

"You would have what? Oh come on. You knew why. I sent you hundreds of messages, but you never replied."

"I guess I was just too angry… "



Spotted: Two white flags waving in the sky. Could an Upper East Side peace accord be that far off? So what will it be, K? Truce ... or consequences? We all know one nation can't have two queens.

What happens next ? Only time will tell.






XOXO
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