Gossip Girl: Cock-a-Doodle-Doo

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Warning: This story contains (very light) sexual references. Please do not proceed if it may offend you.

Previously on Gossip Girl:
The Inglourious Basterds

"But evolving is a tricky thing. You can't change without changing the world around you.

And not everyone might see your transformation the same way you do. But if you can make it through and truly be reborn, then maybe so can I. 

So beginning today, the past is just a prologue. It all starts from here."






Guess who's back, Upper Eastsiders? I know its been awhile but I'm here now ready to serve you the latest on what's up, and who's going down. Let's start, shall we?

Word is our favorite-it boy A has had more than one rude awakening this week. Could it be ... that someone dared to dump our Queen Bee?



One beautiful bright morning, I sent a text to my friends.

"So .. last night, I made love to a seven-inch cock," I said. "And it ... it loved me back. Happy Monday boys and girls!"

"It must have been some cock, eh? So do you think it's clever and wise?" Arlan replied.

"Honey, it was just a one-night affair! Or ... perhaps two. But it was quite something, I must say."

"Well, I fell in love with one cock until he got too cocky. He's been laying it a bit thick so I told him, 'You cockroach! You forget yourself!'" A said.

Wow, he's really angry, I thought to myself laughing. "What the fuck! You called him a cockroach?? Hahaha."

"Now I regret it. Anyway, as Vackie told me I'm only twenty-one and I'm allowed to make mistakes," he said. "(Groans) I just miss him."

"You really like this guy?" I asked him, turning serious. "I mean, seriously?"

"Honey ... Huwag kang magulat ha (Please don't be surprised)."

Pause

"I am in love with him."

This just in. It looks like the Ice Queen has finally met her match. And she's all lit up. But careful A. You know what they say, one day you're the muse, the next you're old news.

Ten days ago, I witnessed A and Cockroach Boy smile at each other coyly, hold hands, until the night ended with a big bang inside a rolling, rocking vehicle parked outside a restaurant as the sun crept up. Needless to say, I thought it was spectacular!

Bravo, I whispered to myself as I slowly munched on a breakfast of fried rice, scrambled eggs, longganisa, and adobo, waiting for the car to explode. This ... this is how you do it.

"And so ... how is Friday boy?" I asked Arlan the next day.

"Please please please please! Let us not call boys Friday guy or moment ago boy. It is so nasty," he said, as we both laughed. "But seriously, wish me luck honey. I like him."

"Oh come on," I replied grinning. "You and I both know how this story will end."

"You're so judgmental, bitch," A quickly replied. "Between the two of us, you are the real Ice Queen."

"Hahaha. What can I do? When your history is filled with decapitated corpses with their hearts torn out."

"Seriously ... sumeryoso ka gaga ka talaga! (Be serious and stop it!)," A said. "Haaaay ... it tends to get lonely up here. I need a permanent consort!"



But days later, Cockroach Boy suddenly stopped responding to A's messages. Guess who didn't like that very much?

"Honey, does he really like the guy?" I asked Vackie.

"Well .. maybe. But I think, naiinis siya kasi naisahan siya (he's upset because someone pulled one over him)!" V said as we both laughed.

"Who would have thought?" I said. "The player gets played."



A few days later ...

"You feel better?" I asked Arlan, checking up on him.

"I miss him up to now so I guess I haven't recovered; I'm still ill. This disease called love. Haaaay. So you .. you'd better not fall in love!"

Note to self: don't fall in love.

"Anyway," he continues, "I've been working out. Later, I'll trim my hair. The best way is not to win him back when he sees me; just get a new cock. A better one."

I could feel his voice hardening. Uh,oh. Looks like the Ice Queen is back.

"Let's go out this Saturday, Republiq / Cabana. Reserve the day," he said in a commanding voice. "Guys will fall and we'll just fuck them all."



They say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Nowhere is this truer than in the Upper East. Buckle up ladies, looks like we're in for a rough ride.

I may have been gone a long time, but it seems some things are forever. A broken heart. The threat of war. And the fall of the mighty.

And just because I've seen it all, doesn't mean I've seen everything. And I must admit, even I didn't see this one coming. You may think my best days are behind me, but this old girl still has some new tricks.

It feels good to be back. And try as you might to fight it, you know you missed me.






XOXO

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Gossip Girl: The Inglourious Basterds

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Previously:
Farewell, My Concubine

"Although he rarely spoke of his failed relationship, I knew it was always in his thoughts, in the way his eyes would cloud over, in the way he would hug me tightly with his eyes closed at night. I knew those were not for me, but for a ghost in some distant past."

A Decade After (I)

"Honey… I kissed someone. And it was electrifying. That one kiss… changed me."

 

Gossip Girl: The Games We Play (III) 

"Yeah. Kung gusto mo (If you want), we can have a threesome."

The Truth About Travis 

"Travis is dead, the message read."

Summer is coming to a close. And as everyone knows, our favorite girl has taken quite a beating this season. With his mood down low, this once bright star is turning into a fading star. The only question is: do we dare say Kane's heydays are officially over or will l'enfant terrible resurrect and prove everyone wrong?

Carlo, Chris, and Gino and I were having dinner to catch up over the weekend. Over a mountainous serving of grilled mussels, squid, fish and shrimps, we chatted about the recent events in our lives. Chris has a new job and new boys, Gino's birthday was coming up, Carlo was moving to a new company. All in all, everyone seemed to be doing pretty well. Everyone ... except me, of course.

"Sabi ko na nga ba. (I knew it.) I smelled something fishy," Gino said. "Ang dami pala ninyong nilalandi niya, hindi mo alam. (He was flirting with a lot of guys and you didn't know.)"

"Hayaan mo na. Forget it. It's in the past now."

"Ikaw kasi, nagpapaniwala ka agad-agad. (You believed in him too easily.)"

"I know, I know. Tama na nga eh. (Enough.)"

It's all in the past. But the past has a funny way of sneaking up on you just when you least expect it. You never know what could trigger a memory. A shared joke, the color blue.

After supper, they decided (against my protestations) to crash at my place for drinks before going out after.

"Hay. Sige na. Kayo na lang. (You guys go.) I'm not really in the mood to go out," I said, gulping a shot of vodka laced with pineapple and cranberry juice.

"Hay naku, K! Ano ba yan, I mean, don't tell me you'll stay home and mope? Where's the girl I used to know?" Carlo said. "Besides, I want you to meet my new guy."

"Again?????" I exclaimed. "Weren't you just sad and heartbroken a month ago?"

"Hahaha. I was … I really was," C said. "I really did care for Louis. But what is it that we always say: you can only be sad for too long. Now take a shower and put on a nice shirt!"

At the club, Carlo introduced me to Brad, the guy he's sort of seeing. He was exactly how C described him: boyish with a smile that stretched from ear to ear.

"OMG! He is cute!" I whispered to Carlo. "I always knew you had great taste in men."

"Hahaha. Of course. You taught me well," he said, laughing. "Besides, you gave your stamp of approval the first time you saw him. But you were drunk, so you forgot. But you told me then: go!"

Carlo and Brad were dancing together, smiling laughing under the spray of red and green lights. Every now and then, I'd see a guy approach Brad and introduce himself. Apparently, he was the latest "It-Boy". I had to give it to my friend. Bravo.

We were all dancing and drinking. "I wanna dance … in love … and dance again …" The song played and Chris and I hugged each other and swayed and smiled as the alcohol slowly took hold of our senses. I was starting to have fun, to lose myself in the music.

Gino came towards me, and suddenly, he popped a question. "Ano … puede ba tayong mag-uwi ng lalaki? (So ... Can we bring home a guy?)"

I stopped dancing and stood very still. Gino was grinning, teasing me, using all his charm to get me to agree. I thought over the question carefully. I knew my answer would forever define our friendship and its boundaries; who we are to each other and the things we could do together.

If I said yes, a whole world of dirty, raunchy, meaningless, mind blowing, nerve wracking, fuckfest would open up to me. Together, Gino and I could persuade a plethora of men to have sex with us. A guy we fucked with once said: it's like the best of both worlds, you get the hot muscular guy and the pretty boy.

But ... if I said no, I also knew Gino would never ask me that question again. It was now ... or never.

"Sige na! (Come on!)" Gino repeated, cajoling me.

I looked him in the eye as I pondered the implications of my decision. "Sige (Okay)," I slowly said. I haven't had sex for a while, and the alcohol, sweat, and smoke made me want to fuck. I wanted in.

His face lit up. "Sige, diyan ka lang. Ako ng bahala. Sino ang gusto mo? (Don't worry. I'll take care of everything. Who do you want?)" I scanned the room and spotted a guy. That one, I pointed.

Uh oh, guess which band of brothers is back in business boys. Is this the reunion we've all been waiting for? Watch out Upper Eastsiders. Now that K and G are back together, it looks like three just became our favorite number.

The next day, Gino and I decided to hit the gym before he goes home. We were talking and laughing, recapping the events of the previous night.

"Ano ... gusto mo ba, may i meet pa tayong isa? (So, do you want to meet up with another guy)?" he suddenly asked. "Out of 87 messages sa (in) PlanetRomeo kanina (earlier), siya lang ang okay. (He's the only one who's okay.)"

"Ha? (What?) It's Sunday. Ano ka ba. Time for rest and reflection."

"Anong rest and reflectiong pinagsasabi mo diyan, Ano? (What are you talking about: rest and reflection shit. So what? Game?)"

"Ayoko. Pagod ako at malungkot. (I don't want to. I'm tired and I'm sad.) Besides, does he know how I look like?" I asked. 

"Ano ba ... Naayos ko na. Okay sa kanya at gusto na niyang pumunta ngayon. (I've already arranged everything. He's seen it and he wants to meet up now.)" Gino said. "Sige na ... Halika, papakita ko sa iyo photos niya. (Come, I'll show you his photos.)"  

 

"Gino, ano ba ... ayoko nga (Come on, I really am not in the mood)," I protested as he dragged me to the computer. "Pagod ako. Ayoko. Ayoko. A ... YO ... (I'm tired. I don't want to. I said I don't want to. I ... DON'T ... WANT... )"

And then suddenly the guy's photo popped out. I paused and my sentence was left hanging in mid-air.

"Puedeeee," I said out loud. "Oh my God. He's so cute. Tara na! (Let's go!)"

Gino was laughing so hard. "Tignan mo ito, ang daming arte. Gusto naman. (See? Told you.)"

Lloyd was lean, and cute and oh so adventurous. After all the contortions and exertions, we were all thoroughly exhausted. Magaling. Mahusay.Game na game.

He cuddled up beside me and hugged me. "You okay?" I asked him. "You want water, juice, anything?"

He shook his head. "Nagka girl friend ka ba?" I asked him.

"Oo (Yep)," he said. "Pero kasi, pagbabae gusto relasyon agad (But the thing is, girls always want a relationship.)

"Hahaha,. So ang gusto mo sex lang?" I asked.

"Sa ngayon. Mas hindi kasi komplikado, mas hindi hassle (For now. It's less complicated, less of a hassle.)"

"Yan ang gusto ko sa iyo eh. Madaling kausap (That's what I like about you. No hassle)," I teased him.

After everyone left, I took a shower and started preparing myself for bed So another week is ending. It had been fun, but somehow I couldn't shake off the familiar melancholia descending over me. "When will I see you again … You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said ..." Adele was crooning in the background and I was starting to feel a little sad and lonely.

I couldn't sleep so I opened a book of poems given to me by a friend.

Oh, gallant was the first love, and glittering and fine;
The second love was water, in a clear white cup;
The third love was his, and the fourth was mine;
And after that, I get them all mixed up.

Oh God, this is good. I snuggled into my pillows, wanting to kiss the book. I read another poem.

Four be the things I am wiser to know:
Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.

Four be the things I’d been better without:
Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.

Three be the things I shall never attain:
Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.

Three be the things I shall have till I die:
Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye.

Oh God, this is really good. I stood up and opened a bottle of wine and poured myself a glass of Chardonnay. I sipped it and it was fruity and light, and the taste stayed on my tongue as I continued reading. The loveliness of the poems, the solitude of the night made me remember Mr. Big. He was one of the very few people who truly understood me and made me feel safe. All of a sudden, I wanted to talk to him.

"Neil," I said when he picked up the phone.

"Kane?" he said. "Kamusta ka?"

"Hay Neil." I missed him, the sound of his voice and the way it echoed in my soul.

"Why, what happened?" It must have been the sigh, or my slurry speech or the way I said his name.

"It's a long story," I said.

"I've got time."



After the tale ended, I asked him how he was. "I'm tired too," he said.

"Oh. I'm surprised to hear that. I thought you were having the time of your life," I responded. His photos and updates in Facebook showed he was happy with his boyfriend and he had told me they were going to live together soon.

"A wise woman once told me: we need to go to as far as where our pain will take us. Does that make sense?" I continued.

"I want to meet that wise woman. Kane, I am happy. But I never learn, Again I find myself rebuilding my life around this one person. As an architect, I should know better than to build my structure on one foundation," Neil narrated. "I'm worried. Scared that I'll go through something more painful than my divorce."

Wow, he really is serious with his boyfriend. I was tipsy and his words floated in my head like dancing ghosts. "happy". ... "rebuilding my life" ... "structure" ... "divorce" ... What do these words mean? For a moment, I felt a tiny pang of ... was it jealousy that he loved somebody else? Or envy that he has someone and I have no one. Who knows. Sometimes our emotions can be tricky to understand. Why do we feel the things we feel?

"Anyway, ikaw kasi. You trust too easily," he said. "You take care of yourself. Sometimes, I think you're too nice."

Too nice. Is there such a thing? Is there a point where you become too nice and people start making a fool out of you, I wondered. Sigh. All these questions and no answers. I've always thought people ought to be nice to each other, to trust rather than distrust, to treat each other with respect and dignity. Maybe I'm too old-fashioned.

Neil and I went on chatting until I felt my eyes starting to close. "Neil, I'm sleeping na ha. I'm happy we got to talk a little."

"Hey. You'll be fine," I said, trying to comfort him. "Remember, you always have me, whatever happens."

"Good night K. And you ... me," Mr. Big said. I know Neil, I know. Maybe it was the wine, or maybe what Neil said, maybe it was the hot sex, or the beautiful poems but that night, I slept soundly for the first time in a long time.






I cut my hair the next day. Short hair is more commercial, more sell-able. And I ... I wanted to be sold. As the locks of hair started to fall, I felt like all the heroines in all the books and films I've seen. I'm Romeo's Juliet, I'm Dante's Beatrice. I'm Serena and Blair, I'm the Devil Wearing Prada.

The last strand of hair dropped to the floor. I slowly stood up and looked at myself in the mirror. From now on, no more Mr. Nice Guy.






They say a death marks one of the largest transitions there is in life. It is an end and a new beginning, another step in our evolution. But evolving is a tricky thing. You can't change without changing the world around you.

And not everyone might see your transformation the same way you do. But if you can make it through and truly be reborn, then maybe so can I. 

So beginning today, the past is just a prologue. It all starts from here.






XOXO

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Gossip Girl: Reversals of Fortune

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It's said that we're all strapped to Fortune's wheel. Nowhere is this truer than in the ever-changing landscape of love. As one couple enjoys an upswing ...

"K!!! Oh my God! I missed you!!!" E said, giving me a tight hug when we saw each other. He had been busy settling in his new apartment, a new job and it has been awhile since we had gone out.

"So ... kamusta ka? (How are you?") I asked. I had missed my friend terribly and I had been wondering at his silence the past weeks. 

"Okay naman. Eto ... Naiinis ako. It's been two months na since nagstart ako mag work (since I started working.) Hindi ko pa rin masakto. (I still can't get my life back on track.) I had an accident, a burn recently kaya nag absent ako sa work (I was forced to be absent from work)." 

"Oh my God. Are you okay?" 

"Yeah. Pero minsan, parang nakakawalang gana. (But sometimes, it just feels shitty.) Parang I'm trying to start over pero ang daming malas pa rin," he said. 

"I'm sorry to hear that," I said squeezing his hand. "Arcee helping you?" 

"He is. As in. He's been amazing," E replied, nodding. "I don't know how I could do this without him. Grabe K, ang suwerte ko sa kanya. (I feel so lucky I have him.)" 

E and his lover Arcee have been together for a couple of years now. I've seen their love deepen and blossom and they've weathered the storms that hungrily come to seek havoc on relationships. But, they persevered. I suddenly envied them. 

"You are," I said, giving him a hug. "Masuwerte kayong dalawa sa bawat isa. (You both are lucky to have each other.)" 

"Hay ... tama ng drama. (Let's cut the drama.) Enough about me," E said laughing while disentangling himself. "So...  how are you and this guy of yours?" 

"Ahhh ... well ... uhmm ... " I said. 












... another is plunged downwards ...

"Well ... we've been fighting a lot," I confessed. "And I think it may be over before it really began."

I was having a quiet lunch alone, engrossed reading the book Fasting, Feasting by Anita Desai when Jeremy dropped the bomb.

"I need time to think about stuff in light of what has happened," he texted. "I'll keep in touch okay? You have a great week."

"Oh ... okay." I was shocked. "Sobrang na stress ako sa sinabi mo.(I'm so stressed by what you said.) I mean, we are going to fix things right? Or are you considering ending it?" I asked.

"Apparently, stress is all I give to you," he replied. "Anyways, you should take the time to think about stuff yourself," he replied with a smile at the end of the message. Like this. :)

"I hope you answer my question Jeremy. Because whatever our problems are, I don't think of ending things as an option. Now, if you are considering it, at least warn me."

"I cannot answer that question right now," he replied. "But you seem to be okay naman so that is a good sign."

I'm not okay. I wanted to say that it was unfair, that he was unfair. I wanted to shout and scream at him ... but I did not. I'm supposed to be a mature man who can handle his emotions well; isn't that what being an adult means? He needs his space, what can I do but respect his wish? My throat constricted and I suddenly teared up. Get a grip on yourself, I said.

""I'm not okay," I said to Jeremy. "I was hoping we can fix our issues. But ... I respect your wish. I'll wait, I'll be here." 



I have had four lovers and each of them left me at some point in time. Lahat sila iniwanan ako. I know ... I know ... it sounds dramatic and tragic, the kind of stuff characters in Philippine telenovelas would say, but it's true. I've always been the kind of guy who fights for love. Sometimes I wonder how careless people can be. They say "I love you" but what does that really mean? Tell me. What does that mean? 

Because of my past, my greatest fear in a relationship is being abandoned, that my supposed to be life partner will give up, just like all the others before. Hearing this from Jeremy brought back all the fears I have, that once again, he may be giving up. Perhaps as Graham Greene once wrote, our love had turned into a love affair ... with a beginning and an end. Or maybe it was an affair all along and I was just too blind to see it.

Intense. That is how best to describe Jeremy and I. 

"Sobrang hirap E," I said. "We're so intense and therefore when we're happy; we're intensely happy. But when we fight, it also becomes quite intense."


It has been almost two months now since we met and I suppose the glitter and fascination are wearing off. Jeremy and I have entered the phase where you suddenly start seeing the things you dislike about the other person. We argue and bicker constantly about traits, values; the things that matter when you look for a lifelong partner.

"I've been yearning for a relationship for so long I forgot the unpleasant side of it. Hindi ba puedeng happy lagi?" I said trying to make light of the issues. 

"It's work Kane, you know that. A lot of work," E said trying to console me. 

"I know but sometimes it feels like there are so many things going against us. He can be so difficult," I said. "Not to mention I'm still struggling with the fact that he is married and has kids. It can be too much to take sometimes. I don't want to be a mistress forever. And what he did ... it hurt me. He hurt me. That he can give up so easily? We're just scratching the surface of what real problems really are."

"And I know ... I know. He probably feels hurt too. That I hurt him," I said.

"You know, I know it's not easy," E said. "But what you have is passion Kane. Very few couples have that. Most of us settle for safe, which is what you want. What I have. And that's a good thing."

"But if I have a chance at something as intense as what you feel, I'd hold on to it for as long as I can," E slowly said. "And I mean, Ikaw yan eh. That mind-blowing, blood-curling, orgasmic shit I'm-on-top-of-the-world kind of love."


"And if, at the end, it still doesn't work out?" I asked.


"Then it will make for one beautiful memory."

 
"Well ... it seems it's already not working out," I said, sighing. "Hay E. Ang hirap. I miss him."

"Alam ko Kane. Alam ko."

"Do you think you'll make it?" he asked.

"Honestly, I don't know. The odds are not in our favor," I answered. I was quiet for awhile, remembering Jeremy. "But I'd like to hope we will. I mean, isn't that what the great love stories are all about? Beating all the odds?" 







They say love makes the world go round and round. But sometimes it only feels like you're a fool on a merry-go-round. But top ... or bottom, don't get too comfortable kids. Because the only thing you can rely on is that the wheel will keep on turning.












XOXO

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Gossip Girl: Disco Inferno

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Previously on Gossip Girl:
Crazy Cupid Love

"So ... what's your birthday wish honey? You happy?" I asked.

 "I am, I  am. It's been a great year,  and I'm happy you guys are with me. But ... sana makahanap na tayo ng someone to spend our lives with," he replied wistfully.

"Sana nga. Hay ... sige na nga, kahit mauna ka na!" I said and hugged him. 

Summer, Kind of Wonderful

Summer Tips

Sorry for the silent treatment Gossips. I know it's been almost a month and some of you may have wondered where I've been, but I'm here now to officially welcome you to the start of what promises to be a sizzling summer. 

As the sweltering heat slowly engulfs the city, stirring hidden passions and desires long frozen by winter's cold embrace, there's really only one thing we can do. 

Fight fire with fire.

 "You owe us dinner!" Vackie told me the next day. "I can't believe it. Kainis ka. (I hate you.) You left us for some guy!"

"I'm sooooo sorrrrrrry honeeeeey. I swear, wala na akong nagawa. I was drunk and hinila hila na lang niya ako," I tried to explain, mustering up the courage to apologize for suddenly disappearing the previous night.

"Unfortunately for you K, there are witnesses. We saw you. And in fact, ikaw ang humila hila sa kanya!" V said accusingly.

"Ahhhhh," I fumbled and started to laugh. "Talaga? Hahaha. Well ... fine. You caught me. I must say though ... it was worth it. Ang sarrapppp ng sex honey! Plus, it was my second time to try a motel."

"Oh my God! Motel girl ka na?

"He insisted kasi and I played along na lang. Whew. He's got the moves like Jagger. And I watched us in the mirror … it is kind of hot pala no?"

My memory was a blur of bottles of vodka, dazzling crimson lights and my friends and I wildly dancing as Calvin Harris played his epic "Feel So Close".

24 hours earlier

"Gentlemen, I've got five tickets to Calvin's concert tonight. Are we going … or are we going?" I announced.

"OMG!!!" Carlo squealed. "How did you get them? They're so expensive kaya! But wait, we have work tomorrow!"

"I know, and that's why we're all coming down with the flu. I mean, you are looking a little pale," I said teasingly.

"Well ... I do feel a little hot," Carlo said playing along. "Hahaha. Fine! So who gave you the tickets? Did you have to sleep with someone?"

"As a matter of fact, no," I replied disdainfully. "I don't do those things you know. Let's just say … I was very persuasive."

That night was one of the best my friends and I ever had. The music, the lights, the alcohol, the energy of the crowd ... it was enough to make you feel like you would live forever. This ... just like this.

"The guy I met, his name is Randy," I narrated. "He's actually not from here. He works in the Middle East and is just in town for a vacation. Honey ... he has a girlfriend."

"Ohh," V said.

"And a boyfriend."

"Ooohhhh."

"Sigh. What does that make me?" I asked.

"Errrr ... Manila's world famous tourist stop?" he answered and we burst out laughing. "You're like the Tour Eiffel. Or the Parthenon. Certainly not to be missed."

"Gaga ka talaga!" I said. "But seriously, grabe no? Some guys just want to have it all! Di na makuntento. May girlfriend na, may boyfriend pa, gusto pang kumantot ng iba! WTF!"

"Well ... boys will be boys, as we always say," V said.






"Actually may girlfriend ako," Randy confided while we were eating longsilog and pancakes for breakfast. We were both worn out from the lack of rest and our exertions.

"Ahhhh ... nasan siya?" I asked.

"Parating siya in a couple of weeks," he said.

"Hindi ka ba nagu guilty?" I asked him.

"Actually, ang gusto ko lang naman bigyan niya ako ng anak then kahit iwan nya ako, bahala siya."

Wow,  I thought to myself. I may not know this guy very well but that seemed mighty unfair to me.

"May boyfriend rin ako," Randy continued. "Pero hindi na kami nag se sex."

"O? Bakit?"

He was silent  for awhile, pondering his next thoughts. "Eh kasi, baklang bakla na siya."

"Minsan sasayaw sayaw siya sa harap ko," he continued demonstrating the dance. "Nandidiri ako pero kunwari natutuwa na lang ako. Siyempre ayoko rin siya masaktan."

I heaved a big sigh in my head. I was suddenly saddened by his story. I thought of Randy's boyfriend, who probably loves him, who thought he could be himself around his lover, because that's what they're supposed to do right? Accept us for who we are. No, make that love us for who we are.

I thought of Randy, who pretends to like his boyfriend's effeminate side even though he's quietly disgusted by it. Because he loves him and doesn't want to hurt him. So he pretends. I thought of his girlfriend who probably has no idea that her boyfriend is gay. All these deceptions and lies so as not to reveal who we really are, what we really want. There's a certain Shakespearean tragedy in it.

I kept all of this in my head, as I continued to quietly listen to his stories. Can I really blame him? We've all been there.






"So ... while you and Carlo were busy hooking up with random strangers, I actually met someone," Vackie said and paused. He seemed very excited.

"But you always meet someone," I replied, teasing him.

"No. This one's different," he tried to explain.

"But they always seem different, don't they?" I prodded. "At the start, at least. Until you get to know them."

"Basta. I am going to see him again tonight," V said. "I am leaving your town Whoreville behind, while you're still the mayor!"

"Hahaha. Gaga! Tingnan natin. Just don't come crawling back, begging to be let back in if things fizzle out!" I warned. "But seriously,  wow.  An actual date?"

"Yes. An actual date with no sex involved? How rare is that?'

"Hahaha. Hayyy ... buti ka pa."

Long after the clubs have closed, disco inferno rages on. For some, it's burning desire that keeps them going on at night.

"And you? What are your plans tonight?" V asked.

"Well ... I am meeting a guy."

"Again? Pang ilan mo na yan this week?" he said.

"My sixth. I know, I know. What can I do? This heat ... it's burning me up."

For others, it's the flame of uncertainty that plagues them.

"Hay honey, I hope this guy turns out to be nice. I've had so many hits and misses in the past years. Ayoko na!!!!!" Vackie said.

"Well, we'll never know right? Who knows? You just might get your birthday wish. Maybe he's the prince who won't turn back into a frog, unlike so many others," I said. We were laughing but deep down, I uttered a prayer to whatever gods there may be to give my friend some luck. We can all use some.

But whatever the new season brings, it's best to be prepared. Because the start of summer isn't the end of me. And whether they're sweating it out on the sultry sidewalks of Manila or cooling their heels in Barbados, no one does summer like our Upper Eastsiders.

Grab your shades and sunblock. This one looks like a scorcher. Until then, my lovely friends, you know you love me.






XOXO
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