Thursday, November 12, 2009

Farewell, M

"In life, as in art, some endings are bittersweet. Especially when it comes to love."

It is the month of November. The year is almost over and with it, my life as I know it. They say some endings take a long time to complete, but when they do, you just can't ignore them. The season is about to end, and I have but one final episode to play.

Manuel is leaving this Saturday. We will meet tomorrow, our first and last meeting since we broke up three months ago. Three months, I told myself. Has it been that long? Nothing can stop the relentless march of time, it seems.

M and I agreed we won't communicate after he leaves. I have rehearsed the things I wanted to tell him and practiced the scene in my head.

The Scene

K: "I want to thank you for inviting me to see you before you leave, for the time spent with you. It means a lot to me. I always thought we deserved a better ending.

At first, I wanted to tell you I will wait for you. But I won't, because it is not fair to you or to me. I want you to be free to decide who you want to be and what you want to become without feeling beholden to me or guilty about me. On my end, I also want to open myself up to possibilities of love.

But, one day, if you finally figure out what you want, and you suddenly remember me, I hope you won't hesitate to call. I am happy for you and I will miss you."

I handed him a small envelope containing three things: my letter for his birthday, a photo of us captured during our happier times, and a letter for his leaving.

K: Open this only when you feel you are at one of the lowest point of your life.

This is what I wrote. I don't know when he will read it. It could be three months from now, or six, or never.

Nov. 11, 2009

Dearest M,

I'm writing this letter to you as you leave for the U.S. and I told you to open this only in the moment of your greatest despair. I know you go away with the burden of not knowing how things will work out for you, and I know that the only person who can ever take it off is you.

"I am a work in progress," as you told me this week.

I don't know the circumstances you face right now but don't give up, M. The only thing we really need is one person who loves us and believes in us and you have him. I know you are a good person, and that you will triumph over these challenges.

I will wait for you, always. I love you, K.

After he goes, I will leave things to the hands of fate. Throw it up high, high into the air. If we will see each other, then we will. If not, then so be it.

I told M he was my first great love. And from what I heard, we are allotted only a few in a lifetime. I guessed I have used up my first slot.

I never thought emotions like this could exist. These mind blowing, heart wrenching, intense feelings you thought only happened in movies. I will miss M. He is gone, and I may never see him again.

I wonder what the future will bring. In a city that never sleeps, something is always brewing. And let me guess, it probably will start with boy meets boy …


xtian1978ii said...


you already know my response

engel said...

fate will always find a way to bring two hearts together no matter the distance, specially if you're meant to be.


john stanley said...

you already did what you have to do, k. now it's time to leave this to time and fate.


Teban said...

oh k. deep sigh. endings are bitter but it is your perception of how the ending will happen that is sweet.

im glad you loved with all your soul k.

i will be here and excited when you meet another boy.

Anonymous said...

this pulled a heartstring. i wish you well.

E said...


this is your day and make the most out of it...

sabihin na lahat ng dapat sabihin wala na mawawala sayo, nagawa mo na eh-itodo mo na lang pero wag mo kalimutan sabi ni sandy. Ibato mo sa langit pagkatapos.

the geek said...

farewell summer...

hello autumn.

Rej said...

You'll be fine.

kiel estrella said...

hello kane.

glad to have finally met you last week.

you're alright. you'll be alright.

Trese said...

just started reading your blog... stay happy! you don't know what tomorrow will bring... :)

Anonymous said...

If you wont wait for someone, you wont tell him. Just let him go and let him find his lost self (it's been long overdue,geeez.Why do people need to make someone frustrated just to put his life together? If you’re not ready don’t get in a relationship! Don’t mess someone else's life because yours is miserable.) You did your best so let the "boy" go! I think you lied in here. You said you won’t wait but you will. U know to yourself that you will. But you know what? Honey, you look more fuckable than ever. Fate will intervene and "men" will come your way. All of a sudden, youre not waiting.

Kane said...


Whew. Okay, your comment got me curious. Do we know each other?

Your reply was quite interesting, I mean, you called me a liar for Christ's sakes! And fuckable. Hahaha. Iba ka.