Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Hush, Hush: This Too Shall Pass

Shakespeare once said: "All's well that ends well." But sometimes, it just … ends.


It seems you have joined/are joining the ranks of people ending relationships. What can I say that you don't already know? There are times when words are useless, no matter how well-meaning they are.

We try to manage loss and staunch grief, but perhaps these emotions are based on false assumptions. Our lovers will be there indefinitely, and that is what happiness is based on. When in fact, most of them leave, sooner or later.

So what is there to hope about? And I'm not sure what the answer is. Some people have resorted to living in a series of authentic moments, rather than hope for an everlasting love.

But deep down, everyone wants love, the kind that stretches beyond your horizon. The kind than transcends, not only space and time, but even our own mortality, even death.

But we don't know if we will have that, or when, or with who. And as we grow older, we start to surrender to the idea that maybe some aren't meant for that kind of love. People who have lost two husbands, and a parent, or a child, have a deeper understanding and acceptance of the mysteries of life. But you aren't there yet. I'm not there yet. You can't expect to be. We're too young, not yet close to philosophical. You want him to change, to love you again, and we have to hope that happens. And also … also prepare as much as we can for the possibility that he might not.

We talk to our friends, read books, in our search to understand what happened, and how to change things. But there are things books don't say. There are some terrible times when knowledge isn't power, when being sane or intelligent won't save you. You are standing in the middle of the night in an arctic sea on a flaming ship that's exploded. Maybe I can help. We are going to try. But perhaps all I can do in this moment is make you feel slightly less alone on a burning deck.



xtian1978ii said...

Thanks Kane,

I truly appreciate the gesture. I'm glad I found a friend in you. You might not know how this mean to me but be assured that I am truly grateful.

It made me realize that no matter how much you invest and do your part if the other party is not doing something then the relationship is bound to end.

You see, I know I had to leave while there still love, while it's not too late for me. While I can still give (love?).

The thing is, I'm afraid because I still feel for him.

There are no things right now that would prepare me for the things to come.

Masyado na ako nasanay na makatabi siya sa bawat pagtulog. Makayakap sa malamig na gabi. Pero masakit na sa bawat yakap ay iba ang nasa puso niya.

Masakit pero ganun eh, ganun talaga. I won't ask anything from you and to other bloggers I've known and befriended here, but knowing you're there makes me think that there's tomorrow awaiting for me.

I don't know what will happen and how would I end up.

Thanks again.


The Curios Cat

rudeboy said...

"Some people have resorted to living in a series of authentic moments, rather than hope for an everlasting love."

Forever's an awfully long time. Moments are all we ever have.

That was a beautiful and insightful post, Kane. I hope xtian draws some comfort from it.

engel said...

you've said all i wanted to say. i do hope xtian will be okay.

E said...

What else can you say after that...True sometimes you don't need words, so I'm just here to listen :-)

This too shall pass, no matter how cliche it sounds.

wanderingcommuter said...

uso nga ata ang break ups lately... well this too shall pass...

citybuoy said...

i think to some extent, we all deal with loss differently. very well said. this will really help xtian!

Kane said...


You can take refuge that there is always a tomorrow waiting for us, a future still not written.

Be brave, little one.


Kane said...

"Forever's an awfully long time. Moments are all we ever have."


It's been a while. You always choose the lines I love the most. There is always a struggle between the finite and infinite, between our mortal bodies and our immortal souls. We cannot escape one or the other. Some would call it a curse, some the beauty of being human.


Kane said...

Engel, my boy. How are you? Xtian won't be okay for awhile. We can't hurry grief, apparently. No magic potions, no love spells, can unbreak a heart.

But, the good news is, he will be. One day, maybe not today, not tomorrow. But one day.


Kane said...


And you have listened. Thank you. As you said, sometimes words aren't enough to express our gratitude.


Kane said...

Wandering Commuter,

Sometimes I imagine, everyday, across the world, thousands of people are breaking up, getting together, making up. The drama of human life is repeated all over. Still, each joy, each pain feels quite personal. Never quite the same as another's.


Kane said...


There are a myriad of ways we deal with loss. The trick, I heard, is how to own it. Own the loss, make it yours. These are the things that help define who we will be.


Shane said...

Xtian, more likely and hopefully, might already have gotten over this breakup. This is so sweet of you.

Welcome to me! LOL I already have told my friends about my problem. I have received sympathetic smiles and nods and we-are-always-here-for-you looks. The last thing I need now is sympathy.