Monday, June 27, 2011

Mercy

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Previously:
Gossip Girl: The Gift That Keeps on Giving
When The Kingdom Falls


The bar was crowded when I got in. Europeans sporting their blonde hair, blue eyes and dark tans were laughing and dancing amid the usual Filipino tourists, a Brazilian guy who works in Hong Kong as a model, and the local boys and girls gyrating and trying to seduce the visitors. For a fee, of course.

It was hot and humid, and after a while I started to sweat so I went to the restroom to fix up when a guy suddenly started chatting with me.

"Hey, how come you weren't dancing?" he asked. He was looking at me with a crooked grin on his face. His face was red; from the heat or the alcohol I wasn't certain, but judging by the way he slurred his speech, it probably was the alcohol.

"Ahhh, I'm just a little tired I guess," I replied.

"Sa guapo mong yan, hindi bagay sa iyo ang nakaupo (With your good looks, it doesn't suit you to be just sitting in a corner)," he said. "Kanina pa kita nakita eh. Ang guapo. (I noticed you earlier. You're so cute.)"

"Ano ka ba, sus, lasing ka lang (You're just drunk)," I told him. I was getting embarrassed.

"By the way, I'm Nelson," he introduced himself. "Do you have a boyfriend?" he asked.

"Uhhhmmm… no," I replied.

"Puede mag apply?(Can I apply?)" he said.

"Uhhhh…" I stammered.

"Shit… ang corny ko."



Some guys were coming inside the restroom so I excused myself to go back to the party. After a while, we bumped into each other again just before I was about to leave.

"Ano? Mag-isa lang ako sa room ko ngayon (I have a room all by myself)," Nelson said. "Diyan lang, malapit lang (It's just near)."

"Ano ka ba (Come on)," I said. "Relax ka lang (Relax)."

"Sige na (Please?)," he pleaded. "Wala kang gagawin. Hihiga ka lang (You don't have to do anything. You just need lie down)."

And there it was, another offer for a mercy fuck. I suddenly remembered how the last time it happened, I became the most despised man in this side of the world.

I was getting stressed by the situation. I wanted to decline politely without embarrassing him.

"Ano ka ba, lasing ka lang at pagod na kasi ako (You're just drunk and I'm really tired man)," I said.

He slowly nodded, with a defeated look on his face.

"Ang hirap talaga pag pangit no? (It's really hard when you're ugly)" he suddenly blurted out. "Walang nagkakagusto sa iyo (Nobody likes you)."

I stared at him with my mouth slightly open, stunned by what he said. But Nelson was right. He was far from goodlooking, it would be a stretch to even call him plain or homely. And then I understood; he was used to this, to being rejected, undesired, unwanted. But what can I do?

"Come on, there are many other guys out there," I said, trying to lighten the mood and cheer him up.

He smiled. "Yeah, but they don't want me," he said, shaking his head. "Don't you see Kane? Everybody wants someone like you."

No, not everyone, I wanted to tell him. Everybody feel this way, sometimes.

He turned around, about  to leave when he suddenly turned back to face me. "Can I have a kiss on the cheek?" he asked.

I nodded. He gave me a tight hug and a quick peck. I hugged him back. I hoped it would be enough. I could still feel how sad and lonely he was and I wanted to say something, anything to comfort him. I felt helpless against his hopelessness. "Hey Nelson, you know..."

"It's okay Kane. Don't worry. Sanay na ako," he said. "I'm used to this."

Then he was gone.
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19 comments:

Nate said...

aww.. this only goes to show that you are genuinely nice..

nOx said...

was expecting a different content then i realized it is tad early for the post i'm waiting for.

uy, malapit na birthday nya :)

DSM said...

We had a very good discussion in my ethics class about rejection and I have since subscribed to what my prof told us. Rejection is not "inhuman" per se, what makes it "inhuman" is the manner the rejection was served.

Spiral Prince said...

He knew your name from the start,Kane? I seem to have missed the part where you gave your name to him.

These scenarios reek of profound sadness. Hayst.

the geek said...

"two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
and sorry i could not travel both
and be one traveler, long i stood
and looked down one as far as i could
to where it bent in the undergrowth"

-the road not taken, robert frost

Mugen said...

Then I remember why I was desperate for a way out. Even if you're at your best, admired and looked up by everyone, despite having a good reign on the dance floor, on top of the ledge, near the pole, drunk to the point of passing out, one look in your eyes and despite the smile laced with ecstasy, your eyes are still lonely.

Leo said...

ever since, i know that you have a very good heart. :)

Désolé Boy said...

I always complain about being rejected by guys. But one time, my friends asked me, what about those whom you rejected? And then they would start naming names & instances where I was on the other end of spectrum.
.
.
I believe humans are lonely by nature Kane.

Guyrony said...

Lest you forget K, have you had asked someone for a mercy kiss? More so a mercy f***?

Xian Garvida said...

i have always experienced being rejected at some point but you are so nice to do such a thing... :)

Mikel said...

Such a nice guy you are Kane.

♥N said...

Rejection is never good, whether it be for the one being rejected or the one doing the rejecting.

He was a bit pushy though...

Yj said...

a blogger friend once wrote

"Walang mukha ang libog."

I never really agreed with him on that.

:)

noelle_page said...

Basic Human Nature: We always desire something we can never get.

midnightorgasm said...

Looks great. Now I have to read the previous entries. Thanks.

bienvenido_lim said...

At some point in our lives we all have to face rejection.yeah it's the bitch of living

"so laugh in your loneliness
child of the wilderness
learn to be lonely
learn how to love life that is lived alone"
- ALW

engel said...

good job for you kane.

eon said...

and sometimes, there are people who don't take rejection well, they become high and mighty and say how dare me to reject them, as if ang ganda ganda ko.

all i can really do is walk away.

Orange Wit said...

I can see myself in Nelson. Being rejected a lot of times, and the tough thing about it is, getting used to it.

Well, its really okay. I love you blog, nagbaback read ako agad sa office.