Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Gossip Girl: Teenage Dream (I)


Where Time Stands Still
A Decade After (I)
A Decade After (II)

When the summer heat fades and the rains start to fall, we all know it's time for Kane's birthday. But overnight, our favorite blonde birdie has turned into a brooding chap. What's responsible for this metamorphosis? Or should I say, "who"?

From what we hear, it's Kane and Neil: Happily Never After. They say parting is such sweet sorrow, but wouldn't it be nice if just for once it didn't have to be?

"Hey K!!! You've been awfully quiet the whole week," Carlo texted me.

"I am quiet =)," I replied.

"Ahhh. How are you? Everything okay?"

"I'm okay C. As good as can be expected, I guess."

In the weeks that followed since Neil left, Greek Prime Minister George Papandreou won a vote of confidence from lawmakers, easing concern the European nation would default on its debt. Storms battered the Philippines, causing floods and damaging crops and houses. Adele secured a seventh week at No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 with her song "Rolling in the Deep" while Gossip Girl star Blake Lively and Leonardo DiCaprio were spotted hanging out more and more often.
And as for me, I resumed work apologizing for the days of absence. Fran and I took a little trip to Iloilo to visit old churches, and I went back to hanging out and clubbing with my friends. Life was slowly returning back to normal.
Or so it seemed.

Little may have changed on the surface but I would be at the grocery buying milk, some cans of tuna, a bottle of vodka, perhaps some detergent and toothpaste and I'd see a couple laughing and teasing as they make their way into the aisles. And then a thought would come unbidden into my head. That could have been us. And I'd squash the idea quickly, vowing never to entertain such notions.

I immersed myself at work, and I'm doing better than ever. I had an excellent review, I'm being asked to write more and more regional and global stories, and I received news my company might send me to cover the ASEAN foreign ministers meeting in Bali next month. Perhaps it is true; when your personal life goes up in smoke, it's time for a promotion at work.

I fucked a boy; the moans, grunts and motions matched the script, but it felt like I was an actor acting out a role. And not a very good one at that. I remember that kiss and I knew I was using sex as a tool to blunt the edge of that memory.

Will I ever forget, I wondered? Or will I compare every other kiss with that one for the rest of my life?

It was raining horrendously one night and I was at home listening to Katy Perry sing "Let's go all the way tonight, no regrets, just love".  Ahhhh, to feel like a teenager again. My birthday was approaching and the music was making me feel dreamy and nostalgic.I suddenly missed being young, beautiful and carefree. Now all I feel is old, scarred and weary.

There I was, deep in thought when suddenly I saw an email from Neil land in my mailbox. An email? From him? We had spoken briefly once and that was just to check that he got home safely.
And then I saw the subject.


Those four-letter words stared at me and I stared back as my eyes slowly filled with fear.

Oh my fuckin' God! He read the story. How did that happen? Neil doesn't read my blog except the few times I told him to, when there were stories I wanted to share. I never meant for him to read about what I did and how I felt for him; it wasn't supposed to happen this way.

I stood up and paced the room back and forth, I was nervous and I didn't know what to do. Why did he write? What did the email say? I was deathly afraid of the answer.

After what felt like an eternity, I finally summoned enough courage to open his letter.

I read it. You finally wrote me down.
I remember and know everything we did that night. On my part, they were all deliberate actions although I know I wouldn't have done those without the help of alcohol, of course.
I tried to tell you that I love you once, and you shut me up before I can even get those words out... and now, I can't seem to say them at all.
Kane, I can never be so drunk that I do not know what I am doing. That being said, I knew everything that was going on in Boracay that night. I could've stood up walked to the shore with you and have a perfectly sane conversation ... but I didn't.

Because a lot went through my head after that night we kissed. A lot.

I almost wanted to whisk you off to Toronto. But I don't think you'd like that. I'd marry you but you'd probably resent that eventually.

I don't know what I want to achieve with this letter. I really don't.

But you wrote me down and I thought I'd write you down as well, although I won't have readers for this one, well, you're my target audience anyway. So.

You do know that I love you, right?

But you and I are like that card that Sandy has; the one where this guy is sitting on a tree stump. The tree is growing under the earth, the roots are spreading, but since there's this fat ass sitting on the stump, it can't grow outwardly. Guess who that fat ass is.



My mind was reeling in shock. Oh God ... Can this be real?

The problem with fairy tales is that they set a girl up for disappointment. In real life, the Prince goes off with the evil stepsister. The Princess kisses a frog and it remains, well ... a frog. Or the spell wears off and two lovers realize they're better off as friends.

But I'll confess. Every once in a while, a girl craves for a fairy tale ending. So go ahead K, blow out that candle. Looks like you just had a wish come true.


To be continued ...


Spiral Prince said...

I look forward to hearing Train's Marry Me, Kane. :)

nOx said...

o em gee! nkklk!

Prince Golez said...

Been here! :)

Momel said...

Hijo de puta! Finally! Something good, real good, blew in your general direction. And it's just about time, Kane. You know your tripping on too much drama recently.

I shall raise that glass to you and your turn of events. No, I'm not being sarcastic. Is this comment making sense?

Muahness from Pasig Cirehhh!

^travis said...

aww! things may still turn out for the better. :)

Nate said...

@Kane: aww.. para lang akong timang na teary-eyed after reading your post.. mixed emotions ako.. although medyo nalito ako dito -- "I'd marry you but you'd probably resent that eventually."

anyway, i'm hoping that things would turn out ok between you and Neil..

Sean said...

oh. OH! Kane!!! I'm hearing the same song as SP.

engel said...

why didn't i read this yesterday when we were talking?

this is still not the end of the fairy tale kane. :)

citybuoy said...

fairy tales do come true. it could happen to you. :)

i remember this thing i saw on he's just not that into you. most of us are part of the rule, never the exception. but based on how i know you (and i feel like i do. fc?) you are SO the exception. ;p

but then again, let's not get ahead of things. maybe we can take a cue from the boyce avenue version of the song you featured. he totally watered the lyrics down.

let's just talk all through the night. there's no need to rush. we can dance until we die. you and i will be young forever.


Nate said...

@Kane: I've read from Mugen about it, so I might as well greet you too.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! :D

london boy said...

Happy birthday dear :)

haze said...

ha? so ano nang nangyari since his email?! did u reply? so that's where u get your sense of peace from - from knowing that despite being alone, someone out there loves you...
and you happen to love him too...
now what?
how does the story end?
how does the story begin? :)

P said...

i want a happy ending too.

im sooo ingget. ;-)