Use Somebody

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Previously:  A Year Ago

"Wait, you mean you're with a guy AGAIN?" Arlan asked me incredulously. "On a weekday night? Don't you ever rest? Weren't you just with that chinito one yesterday and Hermès guy the other day?"

It was a Tuesday night and I was having a couple of beers with Paul near my place, a new guy I met through the world's friendliest planet, PlanetRomeo. When he excused himself to go to the restroom, I took the opportunity to text my friends to gossip about my "date".

"Well … he was insistent. He wanted to meet tonight," I explained. "Besides, mabuti na lang pinilit niya ako because he's cute pala! (Besides, it's a good thing he did because he turned out to be cute!) He's a doctor honey!"

"Grabe ka (You're unbelievable)," A said. "Alam mo (You know what) … I know exactly what to call you... but since I'm a devout Christian I choose not to say the word."

"O    M     G," I spluttered. "You know what … I know exactly what to call you too. But since I'm such a good friend, I will not say the word."

"Hahahaha. What? I'm innocent!" A protested.

"Don't play innocent with me honey. I know you … better than you know yourself," I said. "You and I are not too different, after all."

"Hahahaha. Maybe that's why we're friends," A said laughing. 

Looking back at the month that passed, I realized maybe I have gone a little overboard. "Hay … Grabe, can you believe it?" I told Vackie. "Maybe life is indeed a cycle. I'm thirty one but I'm sooo fucking horny all the time I feel like I'm thirteen! What the hell."

"Honey!!! Tirhan niyo naman ako ng lalaki. Ikaw at yang kaibigan mong si Arlan! (Please leave some guys for me. You and your friend Arlan!)" V implored.

"Ikaw naman! (Come on!) Diba we believe in the saying: There's always enough for everyone."

"Well, at the rate you're going, mukhang wala ng matitira sa akin!"

"Well, honey, I can't slow down for you. You just got to keep up! Where's the girl I used to know? You seem so despondent lately."

"Honey ... Valentines na."

"Oh."

Valentines. That dreaded word again. That day when happy couples rub their happiness into your face. So what if you got lots of boys? So what if you have more sex? They're the ones in love and when you sleep at night, you're still alone, aren't you?

"Wow, where did that come from?" I asked. "I wasn't expecting that."

"Honey, sa tingin mo magkakaboyfriend pa ba tayo? (You think we'll still have boyfriends?)" V asked.

I sighed. It has been awhile.

Two and a half years. That is how long I have been single. Can you believe it? I sometimes can't myself.

"So … why don't you have a boyfriend?" people would ask.

I'd shrug, give a little smile and say lightly, "But there's no one to love."

"Why not? A guy like you probably wouldn't find it hard to meet other guys"

That's true, I'd answer to myself quietly. But ... I don't know. Maybe I'm different. Sometimes I envy other people and their ability to fall in and fall out of love quickly. Never mind that the relationship doesn't last very long. Who wouldn't mind having someone during his birthday. Or to be warm during Christmas.

I was reading stories I had written previously and I came across the something I wrote about my last boyfriend in November of 2010. In there, I said

"For the first ... and last time in my life, I felt that kind of love. And the memory of it is beautiful ... enough to last. Enough to give me comfort on nights like these... when love seems so far away."

A year and countless dates later, it seems I'm no closer. There are times when I want to throw the question back at them. Why don't I have a boyfriend? Tell me. Because the truth is, I really could use somebody.