Nov. 13, 2010
On rare nights like these, I suddenly remember M. But tonight is special. It was exactly a year ago that I last saw him.
I remember many, many things but what I remember most is how much I loved him. I read the stories I had written about him, and looking at those words again reminded me how I was so in love.
Sometimes I forget that such a thing exists: yung pag-ibig na buhay at kamatayan (a love that's life and death). I know, I know... I sound like a crazy old man rambling but it is true. I am old and I am a little crazy.
That kind of love exists. And it's the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced.
And tonight, listening to Chicane saying "So lay me down awake, no sound and I dream about you" --- images of our happier days flashed into my mind.
The first time I saw him. I still remember it clearly. We met in a club and that's why Kylie's song All I See reminds me of him, terribly. The smoke, the haze, and then the crowd parted and there was a beautiful boy.
Doesn't matter what's going on
Or who's around us
All I see is you
Right now they're playing our song
Dance floor is ours
All I see is you
The DJ's got me feelin' like I did
When I first met you
And there's nothing that can break us apart
'Cause all I see is you
We would dance so close together and he would look at me like I was the only girl in the world. His eyes would twinkle and we would give each other the look, our secret look. The one nobody else knows.
They say time blurs memory, but I realize if you allow yourself to, you'll learn memories are like photographs. You can store them away, but when you see them, they become alive all over again and shine brighter than ever.
This was a photo taken during our first trip together.
Ang saya. Sobra.
For the first ... and last time in my life, I felt that kind of love. And the memory of it is beautiful ... enough to last. Enough to give me comfort on nights like these... when love seems so far away.