Thursday, November 18, 2010

A Year Ago

-
Nov. 13, 2010

On rare nights like these, I suddenly remember M. But tonight is special. It was exactly a year ago that I last saw him.

I remember many, many things but what I remember most is how much I loved him. I read the stories I had written about him, and looking at those words again reminded me how I was so in love.

Sometimes I forget that such a thing exists: yung pag-ibig na buhay at kamatayan (a love that's life and death). I know, I know... I sound like a crazy old man rambling but it is true. I am old and I am a little crazy.

That kind of love exists. And it's the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced.

And tonight, listening to Chicane saying "So lay me down awake, no sound and I dream about you" --- images of our happier days flashed into my mind.

The first time I saw him.  I still remember it clearly. We met in a club and that's why Kylie's song All I See reminds me of him, terribly. The smoke, the haze, and then the crowd parted and there was a beautiful boy.


Doesn't matter what's going on
Or who's around us
All I see is you
Right now they're playing our song
Dance floor is ours
All I see is you


The DJ's got me feelin' like I did
When I first met you
And there's nothing that can break us apart
In two
'Cause all I see is you


We would dance so close together and he would look at me like I was the only girl in the world. His eyes would twinkle and we would give each other the look, our secret look. The one nobody else  knows.

They say time blurs memory, but I realize if you allow yourself to, you'll learn memories are like photographs. You can store them away, but when you see them, they become alive all over again and shine brighter than ever.



This was a photo taken during our first trip together.







Ang saya. Sobra.

For the first ... and last time in my life, I felt that kind of love. And the memory of it is beautiful ... enough to last. Enough to give me comfort on nights like these... when love seems so far away.


---

26 comments:

Yj said...

oh Kane... you make me smile, you make me cry...

just by looking at that picture, i could see and feel how beautiful your love truly was...

is.

Kiks said...

All the lovers
That have come before
They don't compare
To you...

Ryan said...

Bittersweet, yet this made me smile more than cry. Love is beautiful, regardless of the outcome.

Stay in love.
Ryan

Guyrony said...

For the fondest of memories are those that can never be replaced by new ones.

You had been in love, deeply and it will come again in time.

You will choose when it will come.

Pepe said...

How beautiful.. I am still hoping to find that day when I could look back and feel happy, feel the love that was; more than the pain, more than crying.

thank you for sharing this.

john stanley said...

Kane,

Your love is beautiful because it's unselfish and mature. At some point, I was in your shoes so I understand how you feel. Soon you will find a love that will complement yours.

I look forward to that day.

John Stan

Tristan Tan said...

Kane,

I will avoid the cliches. Instead, may I just say that your picture made me almost want to touch myself. Haha.

Cheers, T

engel said...

They say time blurs memory, but I realize if you allow yourself to, you'll learn memories are like photographs. You can store them away, but when you see them, they become alive all over again and shine brighter than ever.

- this is true. i remember this is about the same time i first read you. your posts were mostly about him.

my, how time flies.

orally said...

atleast you got to experience that kind of high. you're still lucky that way.

*oh past lovers
what's happened to them?*

POPOY said...

sigh... so real and so sweet.. can't help not to say "sayang"... but im happy for you at least you can smile while reminiscing lahat ng pinagsamhan nyo..

i envy M for that...

don't worry just wait... tulad ng sinabi ni John stan "Soon you will find a love that will complement yours."

anteros' dominion said...

in god's grace, kane. in god's grace.

<*pat in the back*>

Momel said...

Pogii!

Anyway, that being said, I have yet to experience the love that's life and death. I was in a kind of love that brought me to life all over again and then some. Now that I am... vulnerable, I am beginning to appreciate your posts all the more. Vulnerable, but not broken, because there is a chance that I will be born again.

I have this friend who became a devout Born Again christian after she broke up with her two year relationship. That's not what I'm talking about, okay?

Nimmy said...

para lang maiba....

ooooh. breast exposure! hehehe

Désolé Boy said...

I don't know what to say...
.
.
[sigh]

c - e - i - b - o - h said...

mga pasabog ni nimz tlga oh.. hehe

nweiz, kane,, as u said:
"For the first and last time in my life, I felt that kind of love. And the memory of it is beautiful ... enough to last. Enough to give me comfort on nights like these... when love seems so far away."

memories are all we have sometimes to stay going..

cheers..

kiel estrella said...

importante you are capable of love. and you found it once. so chances are, you will find it again.

on a different note, i think your short hair becomes you most. wala lang - sabi nga ni nimmy - para maiba.

Aris said...

speechless ako, kane. nagbabara ang lalamunan ko. hug na lang kita. :)

Peter said...

Forgive me for asking, but what happened?

Herbs D. said...

sigh.

Von_Draye said...

That happiness will come again, in another time, another form, another person.


believe in HIM and believe in LOVE.

believe me...

rudeboy said...

Well, Kane, you've left me speechless.

An occurrence rarer than true love.

Kryptonite User said...

I wanna sing Let the Pain Remain to you pero gagaralgal lang voice ko cuz then I'd remember The One that got away..... So pwede yung kanta na lang ni Ceelo na kinanta ni Gwyneth sa Glee yung Forget You? Promise sasaya tayo sa kantang yun. hehehe!

pat said...

did you realize it's been 3 kylie albums since your breakup? it's time to be aphrodite.

Mac Callister said...

ang cute nyo together...sayang naman lalot siya pala ang minahal mo ng bongga..di ko nabasa love story nyo before kaya mejo lost ang beauty ko haha.

pero anyway,atleast madami kang memories na pwdeng balik balikan...

Madame DeFarge said...

What a lovely picture of the two of you. And a bittersweet love is wonderful, but I find the memories can be double-edged. Take care.

Anonymous said...

memories... they bring warmth, they give comfort, they even are an inspiration at times. but aren't they also shackles sometimes, so mooring us to the past that an even more beautiful present is always beyond grasp. make sure your memories are in your treasure chest kane and not in your baggages.

esf