"I'm not comfortable with words. I love images ,and I love sounds, and I love feelings. I like the idea of intuition. I think a lot of things in life are understood that way. But you internalize these things; they don't really pop out. Certain things are built inside - little areas of understanding. I feel that I live in darkness and confusion, and I'm trying, like we all are, to make some sort of sense of it."

"There's a thing about film that's a lot like music. It can be abstract in places or anchored to reality. Some things are beautifully and economically said in words, and words are like instruments in an orchestra. They have to be a certain way, like a clarinet solo. If you play it too fast, or its not warm enough, it doesn't work as well. But it's talking to you. Film is a different language. And I'm happy in that language. But in words I have a big problem."

"I don't like the word ironic. I like the word absurdity, and I don't really understand the word 'irony' too much. The irony comes when you try to verbalize the absurd. When irony happens without words, it's much more exalted."

-----David Lynch

It's a Friday afternoon, the 21st of June 2002.
Officially, it is the start of summer here.
I’ve been thinking a lot. These days.
Yes, I know.
I’m leaving France.
For good.
Yes, I mean that even if I will come back, it might never be as long as this time.
A year.
Or, almost.
I cannot believe it.
Where have the days gone?
I miss my friends.
But I want to go home too.
Home …

I’m leaving on the 30th of June for Hungary. Although, I am still waiting for my letter so I can get the visa. I sent one bag home yesterday. Finally, one worry gone. My sister is leaving on the 18th of July with my Dad to the US. They’re planning to live there for good. I’ll miss them so. My mom will wait for me until I get home before she leaves. I am happy that she will be there, at least for a while.

I don’t know. Things are going to be different when I get home. We’ll see. I miss my old life. But I’m happy too.
I’ll be travelling to Hungary, and possibly Romania and Bulgaria. I might be home late August or early July.

I feel glad I’m finally leaving Thourotte. It’s amazing really. I’ll write again.

"I left the party venue super-sweaty (so hot inside, literally and figuratively) but full of naughty joy. It was like the feeling when you first lost your virginity. You enjoyed, and you felt weird but you knew you'd do it again."

-----Jun. 11, 2002 edition of "Yaparazzi", Tim Yap

June 11, 2002

For a friend:
Sometimes we know that by all standards this is how Life should be. This is the right way and this is what we are all striving for, but then.. But then we realise it just isn't so. There is more, there are other things, there are curve balls, surprises and crooked lines and that is the right way after all. Life is not about connecting the dots - it is a continual discovery and renewal.

I like to think we are all striving to do The Right Thing. Sometimes the Right Thing hurts other people - even people we care deeply about and never intend to hurt. Peace to you, my love. I know it is easier said than done, but I hope you'll soon realise that you are not a bad person. You are human, you are real and that is all that matters. And you matter to me.

-----June 11, 2002 blog entry, http://distantsun.blogspot.com/

Snapshot:
Young Trendy Guy to Young Trendy Woman:
"I want to learn Ancient Greek, so I can read the Old Testament in its original language without having to resort to translations. I believe that true meaning can only be detected if you study a text in its original language. Like, if you want to study Heidegger or Husserl, you really need to learn German. I am thinking about going to Berlin once I complete my course in Ancient Greek to study at the same school as Heidegger.."

Me Wearing an Old Tattered Tee, Greasy Glasses and Obviously Reading Tolkien's The Two Towers (and no longer being able to keep silent):
"Marburg. You'll want to study at Marburg, then."


(silence)


Young Trendy Woman (awkwardly):
"Oh. Well, anyway. Martin, I have always wanted to study Russian, but I have been told that the grammar is so complicated.."


I looked out at the window remembering what it was like to be a young University student feeling the sky was the limit and desperately needing to impress everybody with my knowledge, skills and interests. As the two students kept discussing Impossible and Esoteric Languages, I stopped myself from correcting them. Sometimes I feel like an old, weary and over-educated woman.

-----June 10, 2002 blog entry, http://distantsun.blogspot.com/

"...a journey must always transform you; that the person who returns must not be the same person as the one who left (or else the journey would have been useless). This is the wisdom of fairy tales, ancient fables, and ancient myths, from the young prince who returns to his father's kingdom ready to rule, to Odysseus who returns to Ithaca only after twenty life-changing years of war and wandering..."

-----email from Francisco V. Navarro V, a dear friend

Ain't no angel gonna greet me
It's just you and I my friend
And my clothes don't fit me no more
I walked a thousand miles just to slip this skin

The night has fallen, I'm lyin' awake
I can feel myself fading away
So receive me brother with your faithless kiss
Or will we leave each other alone like this
On the streets of Philadelphia

-----"Streets Of Philadelphia", Bruce Springsteen from the movie soundtrack of Philadelphia

"... you can see how little movements and gestures are part of a shared physical history."

-----film review of Late Marriage, by Roger Ebert