Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Pigs, That's What We Are


"You wrote letters that you never sent
I made promises I’ll always deny
Now we’ll never know what the other meant."
---Norah Jones, "Young Blood"

It was a cold, rainy night. Manila was drenched and the streets had quieted down as midnight approached.
I was listening to old Pinoy bands that were popular in the 90s; Introvoys and Neocolors. The music brought back memories, as they usually do on nights like these. The smell of a dormitory, the silence of a Sunday, old faces.

Suddenly, a window opened in my Yahoo messenger. I didn't recognize the sender.


"Hey, who is this?" I replied.

His name was Jay. We had chatted before apparently  though I don't remember when. Jay lived near the area. We traded photos and then he asked me if I wanted to hook-up.

"But bro, I want to set things clear from the start," Jay told me.


"I have a boyfriend. This is just a one-time fun. I don't want any trouble."

"Ahhhhhh. So you have a boyfriend."

Ever since my ex cheated on me, I made a promise to myself that I will not sleep with anyone who is in a monogamous relationship.

"Why is that?" Rudeboy asked me.

"I guess I know how it feels like to be the other guy. And how painful it is."

"Ahhhh. We all have been there, I think."

We were quiet for awhile. If I allow myself to, I can still remember the shock of that knowledge, to discover that your lover cheated on you.

"So, what did you decide?" Rudeboy asked.

"Well… it was a cold, rainy night," I said.

Timing, really, is everything. If he had messaged me on another night, if he didn't live so close, if the night wasn't so cold it made me yearn for a human touch.

"Hayy Rudie, I guess boys will be boys."

"Well, as I always say, all men are pigs."

"Hahaha. And gay men?"

"They're worse. They're swine."

"And married gay men?"

"The worst. Hogs, every one of them."

Jay was quiet, tense. His excitement was palpable, like a little boy who knows this is forbidden.

Does he feel guilty, I wonder? Does he think of his lover when we kiss? Perhaps it was because it was illicit that made the sex so good. His hands and mouth were hungry, forceful. We all crave the forbidden fruit.

"How long have you been together?" I asked him afterwards. We were both spent.

"34 months. You won't understand Kane," he said, trying to explain himself. "It doesn't mean that I don't love him, that I am not happy with him. I am... but we're men."

All men are pigs.

Can there be love without truthfulness? Sometimes I wonder if what we had, no matter how fleeting and meaningless, was more real than his love for his boyfriend. Where does love end and betrayal begin?

"Do you think he does this too?" I asked Jay.

"I don't know. I don't really think about it. And I don't do this often, just… once in a while."

He stood up, and prepared to go.

"So, I guess, see you whenever," I said and smiled.

"Yeah. I'll text you."

But we both know that wasn't true.

DISCLAIMER: Although some things were borne out of the writer's imagination, certain events did transpire and any resemblance to actual events, people, places can exist.


Mu[g]en said...

"it was all about getting back... and the feeling of being impaled was so good."

- anonymous

red the mod said...

"He had the most intoxicating, seductive perfume there is. And it's name was unavailable."

-Roccoco, Adriana Trigiani

Yas Jayson said...

what if every night is a cold night? patay tayo jan. haha!

engel said...

"Well, as I always say, all men are pigs."

"And gay men?"

"They're worse. They're swine."

-i do hope that it's not true.

eon said...

i love the disclaimer. it is almost always true of all fiction. :)

Mu[g]en said...

Engel: Not everyone is a cheater.

Pipo said...


kaloy said...

i want to blame it on nature... men are men - we are sluts straight or not. but it doesn't mean we are not capable of love... faithfulness will always be a struggle but loyalty - that's another matter. :)

Guyrony said...

Tell me dear K, is this all what really happened?

A mix of fact and fiction.


Don't we just go oink sometimes?

For the fun of it.


E said...

hayyyyzz...Hindi to fiction LOLZ

Ex Jason said...

We are not worse than the non-gays.

thing_ker said...

there is but not all.

Arian Tejano said...

"Girls will be boys and boys will be girls. It's a mixed up muddled up shook up world except for Lola Lo-lo-lo-lo Lola" - The Kinks

Madame DeFarge said...

Women can be just as bad, even if they deny it. We're all just pigs at heart.

ʎonqʎʇıɔ said...

It's scary. Cheaters were once the exception. Recently, I can tell they've become the rule.

"And I don't do this often, just… once in a while."

Perhaps he was saying that to convince himself. But to quote Cherie Pie in Twilight Dancers, "ipupusta ko p**e ko" that he does it more often than he's comfortable to admit.

daydreamer said...

This is sad...

Yj said...

i wonder if they ever feel sorry or guilty afterward....

i miss being here Kane.

Yj the Manila Bitch


Momel said...

Alright, so if all men are pigs, and all gay men are swine, then what can be deduced from these two arguments?


Seriously, what else is there to say? We were all in the same boat, most of us here, at one point or another anyway, so there.

Cheers, Kane!

Anonymous said...

Like any human being, we always want that touch of eternal feeling, if one is not able to do so or have lost touch of it.. We try to scavenge for another

Anonymous said...

and i'm a flea who sucks my "pigs" dry... then it's time to move on to a new willing pig

proudboy said...

i love the disclaimer... without it, i am this close to raising my hand and shout "GUILTY!" hahaha!

i guess, honesty, really plays an essential factor in the scheme of things... the part where jay said that he doesn't wanna know if his bf is fooling around, is a tough thing to do. we all wanna know! but we also know that knowing may hurt, may lead to more complications, may lead us to do a lot more mistakes.

truth is, we are all horny swines.. it is how we deal about it...

RC said...

hey k. =)
i agree, sometimes we can be pigs but that makes us human, all too human. mwuahh

Pipo said...

I don't want to be a pig. =[

Rashpreet Kaur said...

the thing is that we are all animals...the only difference is that we are animals with an ability to speak n walk straight...but our animal instincts have not died...they come out every now and then...but when emotions are involved, cheating really sucks man!
a nice piece though... :)

Jason Tomas said...

Kane, you never fail to get my imagination flying - flying away...!

Dazed but not confused said...

Just like pigs... in all their filth and glory! Throw in an irresistibly red crunchy apple in its mouth that no Snow White (nor dwarf) can resist!
And like the all-time favorite Cebu delicacy,
1) the younger they are, the sweeter they come, or,
2) if you want them crisp and tender, timing is critical! This usually involves a significant amount of waiting, but,
3) once you sink your teeth into one, you’ll be left wanting more... However,
4) as addicitng as they are, they are best relished in bite-sizes - mouthful or handful now and then perhaps, and always in moderation. Otherwise,
5) they can and will strike back where it hurts the most - your heart!
6) The best of them are almost always hard to find (ie. special order, pila-pila, ubusan!)

Note: Author can’t decide which she likes better. My apologies to the sweet sucklings (take your pick) for any unintended harm done.