Monday, July 26, 2010

Under Renovation

---



Last week, I chanced upon these status messages while scrolling through my friends' updates in Facebook.

"Z is under renovation."
"J is under renovation."

Hmmmmm. Okay. Under renovation. It sounded so cryptic.

Days later, I was with my friend Fernando and I told him what I discovered.

"Grabe, Z and J had their noses done," I announced. "Nakakaloka!"

"Ay. Charice much?" he replied.

"I know. Next week daw ang soft launch sa Malate."

We both laughed.

"Hindi ba maganda naman ilong nila?" Fernando asked me.

"Exactly. Ganoon na ba ka grabe ang competition?"

"Ang hirap pala kung ganoon. Ikaw ba, may ipapabago?"



His question got me into thinking. I have always regarded plastic surgery as something I may consider far, far into the future. What I haven't realized was that the future could be now.

That night, I stared at the reflection in the mirror hanging in my bathroom. I looked at myself long and hard.

Not bad for 30. Still…

I have few wrinkles, but I have wrinkles. Six lines on my forehead to be exact.

My eyes crinkle a bit when I smile and laugh too hard.

My nose can look more pointed

I can always use one more dimple. Or two.



As the years pass, I am certain I will lose whatever good looks that remain. My skin will sag, my tummy will become bigger. I will look, heaven forbid, old.


Will I survive this harsh, unforgiving gay world armed only with an eyeliner? Or should I succumb to the knife and the youth and beauty that it brings?

Surely, Botox can't be that bad, right? Or a nose job can't hurt. But where does it end?

There is a fine, fine line between beauty and a lie.



Most people are afraid to grow old alone. So to prevent that from happening, some decided if they cannot grow old, they cannot grow old alone.

It's like buying time. One more year, one more chance at love.

Others fear the loss of beauty.

"Age hits the beautiful hardest of all, because some homely people tend to grow into their looks, and consequently look better at 40 than they did at 20," Rudeboy told me while we were discussing plastic surgery.

My friends J and Z are both good looking and popular. They go to the gym regularly and they sport lean fit bodies.

They get more than their fair share of men. The lucky ones, as we would say. But we can always be more beautiful, apparently. It is never enough.

After all, every year, a new crop of gay guys land on the streets of Malate. They stand there, young and beautiful.

And no matter what you say, they will always be competition. And, youth possesses such an advantage.



As I stared at myself more in the mirror, I realized I like myself at 30. And that, looking back, I have always been content with how I look like.

I can only hope that each year, as I look at myself in the mirror, that same reflection looks back at me.

A happy man is what I see. Older yes, and hopefully, happier.

25 comments:

E said...

...speechless...what can you say after that?!?! Friend, mata lang ang fake sa akin ung ilong ko, happy na ko dito...10 years from now, botox won't be so bad :-)

rudeboy said...

Ha! That was fast, Kane.

"A happy man is what I see. Older yes, and hopefully, happier."

This. This is what matters in the end.

Désolé Boy said...

nice one. i say if surgery would make one feel better 'bout themselves, then go for it.

[i was afraid of getting old since now at my young age, no one seems to notice me. pa'no pa when the time comes when my face would be etched with ancient lines?]

Mu[g]en said...

It's like buying time. One more year, one more chance at love.

That hits the spot.

Age gracefully, a handful will follow.

~Carrie~ said...

Naubusan ako ng iko-quote. Nakuha na nila. Echos!

James said...

Some people that I know did plastic surgery because they want to be appreciated... Some to feel good about themselves... Some to get the attention they deserve...

However, at the end of the day, it all boils down to one simple reason... to be HAPPY...

But with this reason in mind, another question looms in ... What makes us truly happy?

eon said...

ako i could say taht i am happy with how i look now. i am proud of my age. until when, that's what i don't know. hehe

Kiks said...

to borrow the words of india:

we are the only ones that embarrass us.

noone else.

;-)

Guyrony said...

The talk about age and beauty has been in a boiling controversy over the years. It seems taking multivitamins, exercising regularly and drinking glutathione is not enough. To maintain such radiance is difficult couple that with a demanding job and a life of uncertainty.

But no matter what happens, beauty is still within.

Till when?

It will be up to the beholder.

ʎonqʎʇıɔ said...

"A happy man is what I see. Older yes, and hopefully, happier."

That's really nice. In all fairness, that one time we met, I didn't think you were 30. :)

arkin said...

this post makes me wanna grow old and be wiser. if you need someone to do your nose, maybe im a good plastic surgeon by then. LOL

The Demigoddess said...

I love this post so much it hurts. I am 27 and each year I approach 30, I dread it more and more. I won't change anything about me, just my boobs.

That's all. And maybe my nose, too, but it's not the priority.

Cio said...

walang basagan ng trip pero kompetisyon para ng.... lalaki? tanginang yan oh! lahat tatanda, hindi na issue yun!

engel said...

i always tell myself na a person who chooses based on looks won't find love that'll last because the look will fade.

narnian said...

i love this post, kane! :)

As men, i think age is on our side. but i guess it depends on the kind of 'look' you want to project.

you don't look 30. :)

iurico said...

Oh gawd!

I have had this sort of introspection myself. Only that I can't seem to convince myself that the laugh lines surrounding my mouth are lines brought about by - laughter.

LOL

parteeboi said...

oh so nice... but i cant seem to start saving for my rhinoplasty. hehehe. damn too many expenses. hehehe.

Anonymous said...

wala lang parang if i get sumthin done, im afraid i will always feel that people like the renovated me and not the natural me. stress yun!

Jepoy Dacuycoy said...

kasalanan lahat ito ng competition.

oh well, nakita na kita in person kane, hindi ka naman mukhang 30, swear! ngayon ko lang nalaman na 30 ka, dito sa entry mo na to. :)

Boying Opaw said...

hanapin sa National Bookstore ang librong:

The Art of Ageing: Maturing Like Fine Wine

by bestselling author, Boying Opaw


joke.

kung older ka, ano ako? decomposing? hahahahaha.

Yas Jayson said...

Kane, HAHA!

sorry naman.

nakalimutan ko tuloy yung comment ko. anyways, i like the wordplay and the introspection as always.

'It's like buying time. One more year, one more chance at love.'

splendid.

Eve said...

Kane, age is nothing but a number. Live life with no regrets and you will never feel old. Just like me. xoxo

btw, Edward says hi!

let's hang out again soon coz u promised we'd have dinner and some gurl talk. mwah! =D

twink-bait said...

hai juskodai...i'm still twenty, and i've had my bouts of introspection on what i will look like and who i will become when i turn 30 already. O.o hope to gaylord carry pa rin ang gwaponess...:)

Sabi said...

be content to what we are.
Work From Home India

+czargarcia+ said...

I can totally relate with this K! The gay vanity pressure is indeed ON with the onset of young, beautiful budding gays. I can just see them parade their flawless skin, towering height and sculpted bodies making me wonder and feel a bit insecure.

Then again, it's all about perception and disposition. It wouldn't hurt to appear youthful but it will definitely matter what wisdom you have acquired with experience and insight. If enhancements can make me feel and present myself better, I'd go for it. No pain no gain.