The (Un) Sleepover

J and I were texting as we planned to meet for dinner one night when he suddenly said this.

J: I can do a sleepover tonight.

I was shocked. Wasn't it a little too early for this, I asked myself?

K: Whew. Okay. Nakakagulat ka. Hmmm, why do you want to sleepover? I just want to understand where you're coming from.

J: So we can spend more time together.

K: Okay. I'm not assuming pero okay lang ba if we don't have sex? Awkward naman ng tanong ko. Haha. (And of course, by saying it was awkward, it made the question just a little bit less awkward.)

J: That's actually better.

As I thought the proposal over, I realized I wasn't ready for a sleepover with another guy. In my heart and mind, my place was still our home, mine and M's. It was our sanctuary. Sa amin yun eh.

A relationship dies a thousand deaths, I told myself. Every time we take something that used to belong to our old relationship, and give it to someone else, it dies a little bit more.

Like our daily after-work conversations, our weekly sleepovers, our dinners and Sunday brunches. The I-love-yous, I-miss-yous, I-can't-wait-to-see-yous.

I called J one time after work to talk about our day, and I immediately felt sad after. Not because I didn't enjoy our talk but again, it felt weird, like it wasn't supposed to be this way. Unwinding a relationship does take time.

p.s. I agreed to the sleepover. J eventually cancelled the plan before we met for dinner. J declined to give a reason, I did not ask why.